Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XIII.

"Nil adsuetudine maius." -Ovid

Nothing is stronger than habit.

If there's one thing that hurts the most, it has got to be the fact that your beloved hates a habit you can't unform. Like the words that you used to tell your best friend, endearments such as dude and bro and everything else in between. It's a little thing that comes with years and years of knowing each other.

It's only normal that it gets passed on when Eddy already has a significant other.

"Bro, could you pass me the water bottle?" Eddy requested absentmindedly, rereading the essay he was supposed to turn in.

Toni squinted at him for a bit before handing Eddy the water bottle.

"Okay, bro." Toni mocked, using a deep voice. It brings Eddy back to reality.

"Oh, sorry babe... I'm just used to being with Brett when doing these essays and shit." Eddy said apologetically, looking up from Toni.

"It's fine, babe. Just, when was the last time you've really hung out with Brett? I bet you miss him..." Toni said, smiling at them.

She knows their friendship and would kill to get one like that. She loves how they are with each other. Eddy smiled at her sheepishly.

"I actually don't know..." Eddy admitted, suddenly feeling bad.

"Eddy, I know it might be hard to balance school life with love life and social life but you have to remember Brett from time to time. He's just as important as I am, especially in terms of hanging out." Toni said, kissing his cheek. "I love you and I know you're making up for our lost times, but I know where you stand with Brett. I know he's your best friend and he's important." Toni added.

"I know, but you're much more important to me. Sure, he is a huge part of my life but I know you're more important in my heart..." Eddy admitted, meaning every word he had just uttered.

"Eddy, if this is about our last, huge argument, don't fret. I was worried before but you proved to me time and time again that you love me and only me. I am secure with your love for me Eddy, the same way you are secure with mine. You don't always have to make the effort of seeing me. I know..." Toni said, holding his hand.

"It's not about our huge argument from last time. I love you, I'm afraid to lose you. I have the choice to be with you so I take it... Brett understands. He always does. He's even the man who encouraged me to take you back. I love him but it's a different type of love. How I love Belle, that's how I love him." Eddy said, kissing Toni's hand. "I love you, Toni. I love you more than I love Brett."

"You shouldn't say that... I know you love Brett as much as you love me." Toni coaxed.

Eddy didn't say anything else but hugged Toni. After a few moments, they heard knocking on the door. It must be Brett with the food he had promised to bring them. They opened the door and welcomed Brett.

- - - - -

"I love you, Toni. I love you more than I love Brett."

Brett heard from the outside, before knocking on the door. It seemed that Toni said something but Brett couldn't hear it. His mind was too busy repeating the words he had heard from Eddy. Now, he doesn't know if he wanted to enter that room. Or look at Eddy, for that matter.

Still, he composed himself. He gripped on the bags of food with enough strength. Hearing the words Eddy had muttered made him weak but Brett tried to understand. Of course he would love Toni more! They were together...

Brett knocked on the door and greeted the couple with a smile. Suddenly, food doesn't sound so appetizing for Brett. Even if he had gotten his favorite dish, he had lost his appetite. He only has one thing in his mind now and that was Eddy's words.

They all sat there in the dining table and no other words came out. It was comfortable for Toni and Eddy but Brett could feel the tension from his chest. Goddamn, sitting across the couple was painful enough without any words muttered. But now, knowing what Eddy felt? It was unlike any other pain he had felt before.

Brett ate slowly, not feeling hungry. He was just there, eating for the sake of eating. If you heard his thoughts you would pity him. It's filled with truths that he wasn't ready to accept yet. But it doesn't work like that...

He didn't have the privilege of having time to accept these truths. Not when he still couldn't accept the truth that his best friend whom he loves very much, is very much in love with another woman. A woman who's nice, selfless and always thought of him, too. She was beautiful inside and out.

There is no reason for Brett to hate her, so he doesn't. He just wished to be her, even just for a day. To know what it must've felt like to be with him, to go on dates with him, to hold his hand, to be held close by him, and to be loved by him. Still, he swallowed the food that tasted like nothing.

He avoided the tears spilling from his eyes. He tried to close his chest to the words that might spill out. He kept his hands from reaching out. Brett was trying his best but he wasn't always strong.

"Hey, I have to do something... It's for the performance for the workshop soon enough. I have to rerun on thirds. It's so difficult to get them in tune the first try. So, I'll see you soon... Bye guys!" Brett said, avoiding hurrying.

If he did, they would know that he wanted to get away from the situation. Toni looked at Eddy with a look that asks him to follow Brett. Eddy was hesitant but followed too. They were walking outside of Eddy's apartment and Brett kind of felt relieved even for a little. Like he could breathe again for a while.

"Thanks for the food, Brett. Me and Toni really, really appreciate it." Eddy said genuinely, smiling at Brett.

"Of course... It's the least I could do. I've been horribly busy lately and couldn't hang out with you. I'm sure you had Toni as company, though." Brett said thoughtfully. He didn't want Eddy to feel guilty for something he can't control.

It's not like it's his fault. I'm the dumbass that fell in love. Brett thought as he tried to get out of the conversation.

"Yeah... Still, thanks bro."

There was a silence that hung around them. Brett couldn't wait to get out of here and just get home but he knew Eddy wanted to say something. Eddy cleared his throat and spoke up.

"You okay that I don't hang out with you more often?" Eddy asked, looking at Brett.

These types of moments are the ones where Brett knows there's a possibility that he might break. Especially if he doesn't keep a strong face and an even stronger mask.

"It's cool... I mean, we are busy and you're with Toni. I really don't mind..." Brett replied, trying to sound as true as possible.

"Thanks bro. Stay safe..." Eddy said, hugging Brett.

Brett hugged back but there's a bitter pang in his chest. He walked back home immediately, feeling too tired to deal with anything. For now, he just wanted to change into comfortable clothes and lie down on his bed unbothered. He just wanted to stay in the silence and process everything he had heard today. Coming from Eddy.

So, you finally heard it come from Eddy. It's better that way, Brett. You have to accept that you aren't the priority now. You are just a friend, you don't have the right to feel upset. I mean, he already said it himself. He loves Toni more than you.

Why am I even feeling this way? It's not like I could get his love even when he isn't with someone else. I'm too much of a coward to say anything. I'm too afraid of ruining our friendship. It's much more secure with just being friends. At least I could always be there for him.

"I love you more than I love Brett."

How could those words hold so much power over them? How could it hurt me so much that I get to this point? How could I be so stuck? Argh, I think sleeping this off will make me feel better.

I don't wanna dwell on this anymore. I'm sure I'll be fine by the morning comes.

Brett thought as he covered himself with his blankets. He just wanted to drift off and forget everything. He just wanted his peace of mind, even for a few and quiet hours.