Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XXXII.

"Nescit amor habere modum." -Propertius

Love does not know how to keep within bounds.

"So you still had hope that we'll be together?" Eddy asked, his eyes growing to look at Brett with the same admiration from years ago.

"Well, not really together. I just had faith that one way or another, you'll come back to me. Doesn't matter as what you are to me in the moment, I'll just let you come back to me a thousand times and I'll take you back each time." Brett replied, eyes closed.

"But, Brett-" Eddy said with a fight.

"No, I know what you'll say... I told you that we're fine." Brett replied, trying to escape the hold Eddy has on him.

"No, don't do this again. Don't try to be strong... I want you to tell me what you really felt these past years. No more hiding, Brett. I wanna see it all, no matter how ugly or beautiful." Eddy said, holding Brett in place.

It was when Brett started to cry. He really didn't want to cry in front of Eddy. But once they started fall, he can't stop them from flowing.

"Eddy..." Brett cried helplessly, holding on to Eddy so tightly.

"You can cry, Brett. Please..." Eddy said, holding Brett.

"Eddy, I don't know where to start... I just, I don't have words to explain everything." Brett replied, as honest as he could be.

"Then start with when you got the visions."

"I was seventeen or sixteen. Frankly, I can't remember. The vision was me and you in bed, just cuddling and sweet talking. At the time, and this I remember so vividly, it pained me seeing you in that dream or vision or whatever. It got my hopes up. I was young and I was convinced that the chances of me and you together were a complete zero." Brett explained as Eddy held his hand and toyed with the fingers.

"How come you never told me?"

"Oh, I was ready to tell you when we were in uni. But then, when I got all the courage and decided that I'll tell you, you told me you were with Toni." Brett said, smiling sadly at Eddy.

"Then you told me in Sydney, right?" Eddy asked and Brett nodded.

"Not exactly... I tried to tell you at the airport but you immediately dismissed it as platonic. Yet, I don't blame you. That was a shitty confession." Brett said.

"Yeah, it kinda was..."

They laugh a little until it slowly died down.

"You know, there was a time when I wished that I was Toni or Sammy. I guess it was my longing for you, to be able to have you romantically in a body that isn't mine." Brett said, sitting up. Eddy wanted to stop him, but he didn't want to be forceful. So, he just let him.

"I tried to convince myself that it was my body that you couldn't love. I was convinced that you didn't love me because I was a man physically. Then, after years and years of slow and painful realization, maybe it's just because you didn't love me. I think it's something I can't change because well, I'm me." Brett added, back completely turned away from Eddy.

"It's not that, you know how the world is." Eddy tried to coax, but Brett knew.

Brett nodded, not having the strength to cry anymore.

"I know that part of the reason you didn't love me is your parents' approval. I understood, man. I still do, I did everything so that my family wouldn't find out. But, they eventually sat me down and told me that it didn't matter who I loved."