Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XVII.

"Si vis pacem, para bellum." Plato

If you want peace, prepare for war.

"So, you and Jordon huh?" Eddy asked at the other side of the line, not knowing why he is so sad about it.

"No... Um, at least not yet?" Brett said, looking down at the ground, a little worried.

"So, you're making him wait? Bro, I never knew you were gay..." Eddy replied, sounding confused.

"I don't think I am... I just like y- him." Brett said, quickly fixing his words because he almost slipped a confession.

"Oh... Is it a soulmate thing?" Eddy asked, seething with anger and jealousy.

Where is this coming from? Eddy asked himself, not knowing why he is acting like this.

"We knew each other from the past life but we were never soulmates there. The past life me promised the past life of him a chance in the next life... I don't think I love him, though. I also told him not to wait on me... I said if he ever had someone or if ever his soulmate was there, he could go for it without feeling guilty." Brett explained.

"So, you're both leading each other on?" Eddy asked, not knowing why those words are the ones that came out of his mouth.

"No... He thinks he's in love with me... No, not thinks. He's in love with me and I want to give it a shot but..."

"But?"

"There's someone else I like or love. I really don't know..."

"Bro, I never knew there's someone you like."

"I never knew too..."

There was silence but Brett cleared his throat.

"No offense, but you're stupid for telling him there's a chance when there obviously isn't." Eddy said carelessly, the words just spilling without second thoughts.

"I didn't completely say he didn't have a chance. I just wanted to make sure that if we were to be together, he has my full devotion. It would feel like I'm cheating on him if I entered the relationship when I have someone else in mind. I want to love him completely and not love him because I have to move on from someone." Brett explained, quite defensive.

"But you've never dated anyone, how could you move on from someone you never were with? That's stupid..." Eddy scoffed.

Brett was quiet for a moment, letting the words sink in.

"Well, I'm sorry having feelings for someone out of my reach is so stupid for you. The person meant so much to me and I'm sorry that's dumb. Yes, I might have never been with the person but I loved them. They didn't love me back. Isn't it enough of a reason to let go of someone even if you were never together?" Brett defended again, angry at the heartless words Eddy was spewing out without any second thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Eddy. I know that everything you've seen and heard is so hard to understand. Man, if you aren't okay with me liking a man you could've just said so... I could've stayed out your way so you wouldn't be disgusted or something." Brett said apologetically, sighing at the end of the line.

"No! It's not about you falling in love with a guy or any other guy or girl or anyone else. It's just... What if he hurts you? What if he isn't meant for you?" Eddy replied, the tone of his voice just says confused and agitated at the same time.

"Then what is meant for me, Eddy? A soulmate that doesn't love me back? A soulmate that is with a happy and committed relationship? Because the last time that I had checked, you aren't meant for me." Brett stated agitatedly, this is simply not enough to express his seething anger.

Brett was so angry that he didn't realize the words that came out of his mouth.

"What do you mean me? We aren't soulmates! Even if we are, some soulmates are better off as friends and not as lovers. Just because I'm your soulmate doesn't mean we would automatically fall in love." Eddy retorted with the same time of voice as Brett.

"God fucking damnit, I'm in love with you for fuck's sake. I've been in love for too goddamn long... I know we can't be together, you don't have to rub it in! I know you're happy with Toni. I know she could love you more than I could. I'm not angry at her or you, it's my fault for not telling you earlier. Besides, it will be easier to be a best friend than a lover. I love you Eddy, I really do. You're my soulmate and I don't have doubts about it, but you're already perfectly happy with her. I can't ruin that... Not for you or Toni because I was selfish enough to think you could love me. I know you never will." Brett spilled, everything he had kept for the past years just present.

Sadly, feelings doesn't age as well as liquor would. Feelings get rotten and unconsumable. Sometimes, it becomes too disgusting to even look at.

Brett was just now crying, nothing else in mind. He just spilled everything. His hands are shaking and he can't even hold up the phone up to his ear. He was in so much afflicted pain that he doesn't know what Eddy was saying on the other line. He just decided to hang up.

- - - - -

The next week, Brett didn't hear from Eddy at all. Well, not just Eddy but also Dan, Jordon, their old friends and even his own family. It was like the world had its own way and decided that loneliness after being rejected is the best thing for him. He can't take this silence, it was too much for him to bear.

Instead of healthily crying about it, Brett just decided to write about it. It seemed like his head was in a space where telling other people about the rejection isn't the best for now. He wanted to let it out by himself first, allowing people to know too early will affect his decisions and what he wants to do with the information.

He took out his notebook and a pen nearby. He was ready to write up until he heard a knock in his door. He wasn't expecting anything, or anyone for that matter. Well, that was entirely a lie. He was expecting someone, but he didn't know which someone. There is someone in his mind, nonetheless.

He walked to the door and opened it, only to find Eddy with bags and a nervous look on his face. He was surprised but let Eddy in.

"Hey..." Eddy started, not even looking Brett in the eye.

"Hey... Why are you here?" Brett asked, not meaning anything to his words. He was just genuinely shocked that the man he loved was still in front of him even if he had already confessed.

"We have to talk... I don't like to leave things like that between us." Eddy replied straightforwardly.

Brett was quiet but he nodded.

"I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore... That was so embarrassing for you..." Brett said, looking away from Eddy.

"It's not that... I mean, it's not everyday your best friend confesses their love to you out of the blue... I'm glad you told me, I really am..." Eddy stated, looking at Brett, never stopping.

His friend looked different but he can't point it out. He looked far off from the world, too detached.

"But you don't love me..."

"Yeah, but I can't lose you as a friend. So, I want you to be honest. Tell me if something I do is crossing a line or a boundary. I want to be your best friend. I know it's too much to ask for, but I can't lose you. Not now, not ever." Eddy said honestly, meaning every single word.

"Please forgive me Brett, the past week without you has been hard. I know I've taken the times for granted when you were always by my side and I can't lose you. I don't mind that you're in love with me... I just want to be with you and your company always. I don't wanna lead you on Brett, but this is my truth." Eddy added.

"Eddy, you have to understand... I can't lose you too, but how am I supposed to nurse a broken heart when I'm constantly reminded of your happy relationship... I know it's selfish and I fucking hate myself for being so selfish like this. Because you deserve it, you deserve her and she deserves you. She loves you so much and I don't ever wanna put you in a position where you had to pick because we already know what you're picking." Brett sighed, looking at his friend now.

"You love her. I know. I don't want anything out of this confession other than letting you know. I'm not holding on..."