"Noli me tangere." -Gospel of John 20:17
Do not touch me.
The moment Brett was aware of the situation again, he pulled away from Eddy. When the exhilaration was gone, he got himself back on track. He cannot take advantage of Eddy, especially he just broke up with his girlfriend of years. This was wrong.
"What's wrong? You don't want this after all?" Eddy asked, standing up straighter and looking down at Brett.
"No, I just don't want you to feel obligated to return my feelings because I confessed to you... I told you it was just to let you know. Besides, I know you're heartbroken. I don't wanna feel like I'm taking advantage of your vulnerability." Brett started, looking down.
"It just felt right, you know? Somehow, I never really thought of kissing my best friend but now that I have, I wanna do it again." Eddy said, looking at Brett's lips. "And you're not taking advantage of my vulnerability. I did this to my own accord." Eddy added, fingertips brushing against his lips.
"I'm still scared, Eddy. What if you wake up and realize that you could do better than me? You could always have someone better and I don't wanna hold you back but at the same time, I don't wanna ever let you go." Brett started quietly.
"Brett, listen, someone is always going to be better, prettier, funnier and more lovable. Yet, that doesn't mean they're inherently better than you... I've been thinking a lot about us, Brett." Eddy cut off, staring down at Brett's eyes. "When you told me you loved me, something clicked. I guess I want you more than I thought I did, especially when you looked so much at home in his arms at the airport." Eddy confessed, not moving his eyes away.
Brett slowly stood up and avoided Eddy's eyes. He was already crying but he didn't want to show how Eddy's words really affected him. Was this all a dream? It's too suspicious, everything Brett wanted to hear was slipping from Eddy's mouth so easily. Actually, the words are even better than he had imagined.
Eddy reached out to wipe Brett's tears but Brett avoided him.
"Do not touch me, please. I'll only crumble under your hands." Brett said, wiping his tears and backing off from Eddy.
When he turned his back from Eddy, Eddy was quick to catch his steps and meet Brett's body. He hugged him from behind, their height difference making Brett fit exactly in his arms and body.
It felt so right, being there and seeing the scene unfold. Brett felt as though he was complete and intact in Eddy's arms. Eddy just loved how Brett was in his hands, molding them and their body heats into the perfect equilibrium.
- - - - -
March 27, 1861
Summer is on its peak and so is his presence around me. Oh, dear Lord, it may not be right in your eyes our love but I beg you. I beg you to let me keep him in my arms until this lifetime of mine passes. If you wish to part us, in the next lifetime, he shall choose me for I will always choose him no matter what world or what life we will have to lead.
For I could only imagine a future with him and only him. I am sorry, God but I hope you would grant me this. For I will do anything just to keep him safe from this world. I am no religious man, but I will utter millions of prayers just to be with him freely.
I worship him, my Lord. It might be a sacrilege but who could blame me? My Lord, you understand why I worship him. Why I praise him as if he was my god. And maybe, maybe he is. I do not care if I am regarded as a sinner, the moment I get to love him, I chose to walk the path of heaven on earth.
His love is heaven and his passion is hell. It might sound too much for the greatest being, but my Lord, oh my Lord, if I cannot ever love him in heaven, then maybe I am better off at hell. My Lord, I just love him too much to let go.
I regard him as my missing piece. I was looking for so long and now that you have graced me with his existence I promise to cherish him. For who am I to deny your blessing? I am just a mere man who longs for love as much as another man would. I love him as he is and I could only love him more.
My beloved, my delights, the man who reminds me of Solomon's Song, he is the only one that I could ever want and need. Maybe, even if I have this love of mine, I could lose him whenever. I will not keep him with me if he does not want me anymore. For I only wish him all the happiness that he could grab and knowing him, he deserves the entire world.
The world might worship under his feet and yet he would not see it. He could only see me for now and I only hope it stays that way. I love him as he is and I only wish to see his face when I wake up in the same bed as his. I am not fond of children but I would only have one if it is with him.
My love cannot be expressed in words because it is much more than that. I can only hope that he knows that my music is dedicated to him and only him. He is my muse, my beloved and my dreams.
- - - - -
The morning after everything that had happened, Brett woke up in Eddy's arms on his couch. He was cautious on how he got up so that Eddy wouldn't wake up. His head hurt so much that he can't focus on the fact that Eddy was holding him close.
Brett felt his eyes puffed up and his cheeks still felt a bit stretched because of all the crying he did. He decided to wash his face and made a quick breakfast. He wanted to drink painkillers for the headache but he decided to eat first.
He ate his toast in silence as he looked at Eddy's sleeping figure. Even with all the reassurance he got spoken in whispers and small kisses, he was still scared. He was scared that he might not be the one that Eddy wants the moment he wakes up.
Still, after eating, he took the medicine and placed himself back on Eddy's arms. He tried to sleep it off, make the best out of all this. He felt Eddy hold him closer and whisper at his ear.
"Why'd you get up? You okay?"
"Yeah, just had to drink painkillers. Don't worry." Brett said, settling into the comfortable warmth of Eddy's body.
"You're head hurts?" Eddy asked again.
"A little." Brett admitted.
Eddy removed one of his arms and tangled his hands in Brett's hair. Gently, he massaged the scalp. Brett visibly relaxed, leaning his body more towards Eddy. It was like he was melting under Eddy's touch.
Eddy smiled and continued to do his ministrations. He kissed Brett's forehead when he felt him falling asleep again. Eddy observed Brett's sunkissed skin in the morning light.
It was quite divine, if Eddy may say so himself. It was almost magical, seeing the man in his arms. It scared Eddy, but in a good way. He had never felt this way before and he felt that it was all good. He loved the feeling, like he was in love for the first time.
Well, might as well be, right? This is the first and last time he'll fall in love with his soulmate, after all.
Brett fell asleep in peace. His mind as still as water and his heart filled with an extraordinary warmth that had never radiated there before. He was happy and he felt as though that will never end.
"Can I kiss you again?" Eddy asked timidly, looking down on Brett in his chest.
"Of course." Brett replied, looking up at Eddy with a smile.
Eddy leaned in slowly, then suddenly the kiss takes an aggressive turn. Brett could feel Eddy's teeth so he tried to slow down the kiss by leading. He slowly maneuvered himself on top of Eddy in order to fix the kiss.
Eddy slowed down and let Brett take control of the kiss. After a while, Brett pulled away from the gentle kiss.
"You still kiss the same way your past life did." Brett said, chuckling a little.
"Shut the fuck up. I'm better than my past life." Eddy said, giggling back.
They stayed there under the warmth of each other. Everything is coming together now. It's perfect.
YOU ARE READING
Et Nos Cedamus Amori
Fanfiction"Let us yield to love." Brett Yang knew from the very moment he saw Eddy Chen. He knew that this was the man that he had to be with. It was his soul begging him to love the man and he gave in. He always knew. Eddy Chen was always looking for love in...
