It's an Accident

Chapter 70-Fear

My tears dried up and I have no more tears to cry. After Aram was taken in I cried for about half-an-hour and as usual I fell asleep after crying. I always sleep after crying. It's about three hours since they started the operation but no news came from inside and I am very much worried. What is happening to him? Is he alright?

I hope everything will be alright? If not what would I tell everyone. Our gang, bloody hell! Even his parents doesn't know of his condition. What am I supposed to tell them? Above all how can I face such a situation? I hope Gouenji is there with me to hold me and give me strength. He was always there with me. No matter what the situation is, whether he knows the reason or not he always held me in his arms allowing me to cry in his arms and I drew strength from him.

Even now when he is not there with me physically I am drawing my strength from him. He is there in my heart and imagining what he would say, no not say since he won't say anything, imagining what he would do gives me strength. He will hold me till all my tears dry off and gives me strength, telling me he is there with me silently, watching over me.

Gouenji's P.O.V:

She left me here standing at the main door watching her leave. She left me here saying sorry. I never thought even in my dream that such a day would arrive. I always thought that I would hate girls all my life but contrary to my expectation Astrea came in barging into my life turning my whole life upside down and making me a puppet in her hands. Why is it that she is doing all these things? Why did she barge into my life? And yet I can't seem to hate it.

I am living my own life seeing to my own business and she dares come in bringing life into me, making me not just stay alive but live and that is not all. She makes me worried more than I did my whole life and yet I can't seem to hate her entering my life. In fact I love it, even now. I can't be without her. Imagining myself without her sounds very sad and frustrating to me. I can't imagine that and I don't want to. I want her to be with me forever and always.

I know that I can't live without her. My life without her is unimaginable. It's like I am person without soul. My heart cruelly ripped away from me leaving me bleeding. Though I didn't want to make myself more miserable my thoughts went back to this morning, a morning where she was still in my arms, where she still belonged to me.
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Being accustomed to waking up early I looked down to see Astrea sleeping innocently and peacefully on top of me. Good that she is not having any nightmares. Though I don't know whether G really sleep talked or not I somehow have the feeling that yesterday was definitely not the case. Knowing her she definitely meant good but I don't appreciate making her look so scared. I don't want her to be unhappy. I want to make her smile always and will make sure she is happy with all my life.

I want her with me all the time. My hands tightened around her waist in the slightest remembering when she left for a damn month. That month was pure pain to me. I experienced it first hand what heart break is like when she left me thinking that is for our sake and I brought her back to me. Then she did the unimaginable and asked me to marry her. I stood frozen there with shock not expecting her to do something as bold as that. I had the option to turn her down but I decided to be selfish and make her mine.

I knew that she wasn't asking me to marry her because she loves me but for Dannon, to be with him and take care of him. But in that moment I didn't care. All that it mattered to me was that she will be mine. She will be mine to hold and mine to declare to the world just like I imagined. If I make her mine it would be easy for me to even turn her heart to my side.

I know she takes vows and marriage seriously so she would be my wife in every sense. Turning her heart to me would be just a matter of time and so I did that. She would be marrying me for Dannon's sake but I want to marry her to make her mine, for my own selfish reasons and I agreed. I don't regret that decision even now. I don't think I ever will.