FROM NEVER TO HAPPILY EVER!

19.

Izaan's  POV, Izaan's  Penthouse

Thud. I hold the vase and swing it across the wall. Crash. I walk towards the dressing table and throw away anything and everything that comes in my hand. I can't seem to stop. The sweat is falling down from my forehead, my hands pain and I am feeling like I am going to choke to death. I can't breathe.

I can't even breathe properly knowing that she won't be mine anymore in the next 24 hours, that is if she hasn't already signed the damned divorce papers. How will I survive without seeing her everyday? Without eating her food. Without the smell of her shampoo in the bathroom. Without her fingers in my hair and without her calling me Zaan. How?

It's been 22 hours, 40 minutes and 16 seconds precisely since she walked out of that cafe. Killing the smallest hope in my chest that she will reject the petition and claim her right as my wife but she didn't. She didn't even show one feature of remorse when the paper was given to her, is she that desperate to get rid of me?

You were the one to serve the divorce petition. Isn't this what you wanted? Her to be free of you. Then why are grovelling here?

I am a fucking liar. A coward. I can't even claim my own wife as mine. Because she loves some else. But it didn't feel like that when we made love. It felt like she loved me back, infact more than me. Those moments in that abandoned hut were the most precious, where I lived my whole life in a few hours. I thought it will be enough for me, that I will spend the rest of my life with her memories alone. But I crave for her more than ever, now that I know what she feels like panting beneath me. How outstanding she looks when she is at the peak of ecstasy.  Now that I know the feeling of being inside her, I can't seem to stop needing her like a drug addict.

Why Noor? Why couldnt you love me? Why did I have to fall so deeply for you that I would even let you go for your sake?

When we consummated, I felt like I have finally reached my destination. In those few hours I realized the intensity of my feelings for her. I love you so deeply Noor. The kind of love that you would kill for and even die for. The kind of love that you find once in a lifetime. The kind of love that can make the most selfish man sacrifice his biggest treasure. You are my treasure Noor. That I am sacrificing.

All of this is just for your happiness Noor. Just for you. But that doesn't mean I can't cry over my fate. I have been in my penthouse ever since Razak dropped my drunk self here. I couldn't deal with her rejection in a sober state. In spite of being heavily drunk, I didn't sleep a wink the whole night yesterday. All I could see was her beautiful eyes, staring back at me with desire and longing in them. I can never forget that moment, when she pulled me back on her and when she took the first step in the hut.

When you don't love me back, why did you do that Noor? I was trying so hard to not let things go further. Now it's more painful than being burnt alive to let you go. Allah, please take this pain away. Just take my life, I can't bear this anymore. Please, do something.

"Zaan, namaz is the best form to communicate with Allah", she had once told me.

I get up hurriedly to take a shower. I need to pray. Maybe then I will get some solace.

Next day, Durrani Mansion

Noor's  POV

' Ya Allah, please help me. Show me the right path. I know this is a test. But I can't tolerate this mental torture.   I plead before you, save this marriage. I have put my everything into this relation. Where did I go wrong? I believe in my love. If it is true, we will not be separated. But how long will this continue? I don't know what to do anymore. How can I sign away the one thing I have cherished and craved for all my life? How can I give up on him? I cannot live without my Zaan. Why can't he see the love in my eyes? Please show me the way.'

I wipe the tears away and get up from the mat. I pull away my hijab (a cloth worn around the head to cover hair) and put my head against the headboard. I haven't gone out of my room ever since I came back from Ashfa's. I locked up myself in the room and Zaan never came home. Maybe he is partying at some pub.

I don't care. He won't be my responsibility in a few months anyway. Tears again start to fall down on their own accord. I haven't signed the papers yet. I don't think I ever will be able to. Who told you to behave all  Ironlady and tell them you will sign it in two days. There are only  5 hours more to go. I wanted to see him one last time as my husband. But maybe he doesn't want to grant that last wish as well.

I go down into the dining area, I am sure everyone is having food.

"Noorie, what have you made of yourself? Is everything okay? Did you two fight? Even Izaan did not come to office from two days. His secretary said he is on leave. But he isn't even home. Did he tell you where he is?"

" Yes, bade papa. When I went to meet his friend Zaan said his friend needed his help so he has been with him. And nothing is wrong with me. Just a headache. I will take tablets and it will be fine."

"Okay, take care of yourself beta." I nod and finish eating whatever little I had put on my plate. I have to be strong for my family. If this is what Izaan wants, he will get it. When have I ever denied him anything?

Shayad hamara safar yahin tak tha aye humsafar.
Gham chupakar hasi bayaan karun main.
Teri khushi main khush hui main aye humsafar.
Aankhon main aason rakh kar bhi royi nahi.
Haaton mein tera naam likh kar bhi tu mera nahi.
Shayad naam kismat main hona chahiye tha.
Shayad hamara safar yahin tak tha.