FROM NEVER TO HAPPILY EVER!

16.

Fayaz Ahmed.

I take another puff and exhale, staring at the pelting rain. It's so tough, not being in control. I have to struggle so much everytime she snaps at me, I have never had someone speak to me in that tone. But I guess, I fully deserve it.

I felt terrible when she said she doesn't want to go back, I was expecting something like that. I wanted to lift her up and take her back right that moment to show her where she belongs. But I couldn't, I couldn't even put a feeble resistance. In that moment, I realised that I have no rights to ask her anything.

What a tragedy! She is my wife by all means yet I am not even in the position to breathe a few hours in her presence much less ask her to stay with me. It is only now I am beginning to realise how tragic life can get.

When we got married, it was only because of Ammi. I turned a blind eye to the fact that Huda and I had discussed a future together, that I had imagined her to be the next Mallika-e-Khilb. We never dated, we were always good friends while growing up. As our friendship blossomed, I thought she would be the right fit. She was elegant, strong headed and determined.

She was the only girl I had had any interactions with. Then suddenly Ammi's health began declining, and on her death bed she told me she has found a perfect replacement for herself. I was shocked, and almost expected it to be Huda.

When she took Suman's name, I was tongue tied. Never had I thought about the reserved, shy girl or had any interaction with her either. I rebuked my own mother, saying she was delusional if she thought a delicate girl like her could become the next Mallika-e-Khilb.

And then Ammi smiled at me, "Aaj tak hamne Mallika-e-Khilb ke taqt par koi galat faisla nahi liya, aur tumhe lagta hai ham apni bahu galat chunenge? Beta, beemar zarur hain magar aaj bhi Mallika-e-Khilb hai. Hamare faislo par ungli uthaye, itne bade ap hue nahi hai!", she patted my head.

I still shook my head, not convinced.
"Magar Ammi, mujhe lagta hai Huda zyada behtar hai hamari hamsafar banne ke liye. Ham ache dost hain, aur hamare khayalat bhi milte hai."

And then she had said something that would haunt me for the next years to come.

"Beta ham akhri saans le rahe hai. Aur 60 saal ki zindagi ke tajurbe se keh sakte hain, aap nada'ni kar rahe hain. Dawa hai hamara, apki ane wali zindagi ki khushiyan sirf Suman ki god me hain. Aazma kar dekh lijiye!"

And that was how she had left me too stunned to react, and with no argument in my favour.

But still, a part of me was never convinced. Then on the wedding night, when Suman herself agreed to the fact that she will walk out when Huda returns back, I felt like that was my best bet. I agreed with Suman because it seemed logical. Ammi wanted to get us married, which she did. I wanted to marry Huda, which I will get to do once she returns. And Suman wanted out, which she would get.

So what's the problem?

There was no problem for two straight years. Until, I started to feel the change in Suman's behaviour. She had begun withdrawing from the comfortable relationship we were sharing. Whatever bond we had developed, she was hell bent on breaking that slowly. And that began triggering me in the wrong sense.

Why?

I can't say.

What I can only say is, I wanted no change. If someone asked me three months ago, I would have said it's just the friendship between us that I crave for.

But today, I am not sure about anything anymore. I thought I liked Huda, I thought she would be my forever. But then Huda rejected my offer of marriage three months and I felt heartbroken that day but the moment I realised Suman was leaving me, I felt shattered.

If what I felt for Huda was a heart break, then the pain of Suman leaving was worse. No word in the dictionary could describe that.

One thing was abundantly clear, it couldn't be love. I have never loved Huda. And I haven't even spoken to her ever since. The only conversation we had was the day when she informed me about Suman's convocation and apologized to me. I just shrugged, not much bothered with anything she was saying.

That's not even the matter anymore. This insane woman sleeping in my room right now is the one bothering me. I don't feel like leaving her alone here. What do I do?

"Gaddi Nasheen !" I turn around frowning, was she not sleeping all this time? But her messed up hair and the slight drool indicates she was. Then why is she standing here like a scared kitten, wrining her hands?

"Kya hua Suman? Tumhari tabiyat to theek hai na?", I ask stepping closer to check her temperature. But she waves my hand away with a slight pout, her lower lip puckering out.

Then it strikes me, and I chuckle at her stupidity, "Don't tell me you are scared of thunder? Ofcourse you are!" I chuckle again in amusement.

Her expressions soon change from cute to furious. Uh-oh! Seems like I said the wrong thing.

She points her index finger at me, poking at my chest as she screeches, "Do I look like I could be scared of thunder to you?"

I blink, trying to understand why she is taking so much offence; " Uhmmmm.... Yes!?" I squeak. Which seems to anger her even more. Now her nose is flaring and she is giving me her best death glare.

"Fayaz.Ahmed.Pir.Get.the.fuck.out.of.my.face!" For her, she might be acting all scary but in reality she looks like a mouse squeaking.

"But tell me why did you wake up?", I urged her. At that, her eyes widened and suddenly she climbed on me and stuck to me like a koala, panicking.

"Ma....maine chu.....chuha dekha bed ke paas", she whispers.

Whoa! Atleast thunder was better than this.

"Tum chuho se darti ho? Pata hota to Khilb se nikal rahi thi tabhi chuhe chod deta tumhare peche", I speak and she slaps my chest whining.

What a crybaby!

"Ab kya chuho ke dar se room me hi nai jaogi?"

"Ha! Nai jaungi. Itna bada chuha maine nai dekha kabhi. Pata hota London ke chuhe itne mote hote hai to kabhi nahi aati. Isse badiya to mai Khilb me....." She stops blabbering as she realised what she was about to say.

I realised she hasn't still left me so I take her in my arms heading towards the room, I lay her on the mattress but she still doesn't loosen her hold from my tee. I look at her eyes, trying to gauge her expression.

Maybe! Just maybe she will let me sleep with her again. The last time was so peaceful.

"Suman", my voice holds a desperate edge. A need that even I don't know from where it is arising.

She doesn't say anything, she also doesn't leave me.

What a tragedy!