FROM NEVER TO HAPPILY EVER!

9.

Nazanin Abbas.

Three days later.

Gham kya jaane gham ke sitam,
Roshni mein andhera dikhade wo gham,
Zindagi ko mazak banade wo gham,
Haste haste aansu barsaade wo gham,
Ishq ko lahasil maqsad banade wo gham,
Gham kya samjhe gham ke karam!

Another streak of tears spill out of my ducts, I choke on my saliva trying to withhold the sobs. It pains, it hurts, it suffocates. Then why does it not kill?

Ya Allah, please ye dard khatam kar.
Agar na kar sake, to iski dawa likh.

How am I going to do this? How am I going to live in the same place and look at another girl receive Dani's attention. How can I sit through him doting over another woman? When my chest burns even at the thought of it, how will I survive it in reality.

Yesterday night, Maasima had called both Dani and me to her room and informed something that broke my heart more than it already was broken. Just when I thought nothing more could break me.

"My old friend from Qatar just contacted me two days ago. She knew I had a son her daughter's age and now that she is looking for marriage alliances for her daughter, she thought of Dani. She wanted them to meet and talk and see if they are compatible. If they both like each other, she wants them to get the Nikaah done and rukhsati after their graduation. Niny, beta you had told that you guys don't want to stay married so I thought I could ask her to send her daughter at our place who is on a vacation in India right now. You guys don't mind that, do you?" She had and all Dani did was stare at me as if asking me to answer.

In that moment, all I wanted to do was break every thing in that room, and shout out to the world that Danish Mustafa is my destiny and no raodblockers can separate us but I was bound. Bound by his words, he wanted a girl that was not me, he wanted someone that could never be me. He made that crystal clear.

There is so much energy within me wanting release, I want to prove to him that I can be everything and more than he ever wanted in a wife. I want to experience every bit the euphoria of being his other half. But I am late. Too late. For years, I now realize he has taken care of me like a husband, and all this while my stupid self thought we were just friends. When I did finally realise what he is to me, I lost all chances of making him mine.

So I had given her a painful smile and nodded, rushing out of the room just to hear Dani saying, "Mama call her here soon. I am excited to meet her."

Shake it off Nazanin. Another woman in the picture and you lost all your strength? What does she think she can replace me? Even if she is the most beautiful woman in the world, she is not Nazanin Abbas. And if there is anything constant in Nazanin Abbas' world, it is Danish Mustafa. And I will fight for him till my last dying breath.

Wipe off your tears Nazanin, time for claiming what was destined to be yours.

The rest of the evening I spent in studying and then trying to learn cooking. I want to learn how to cook.

Dani finally arrived at night , all tired and worn out. I had already placed his bottle of water in his room, I know he drinks tea after freshening up so I was brewing some of that.

By the time he arrived at the table, the dinner was set. I didn't have enough guts to serve it myself so I just placed it before his seat which was beside mine but he didn't occupy it. He went across the table and sat beside Mom.

I somehow begin eating, trying to contain the tears pricking my eyes. I remember I had to talk to them about something, so I cleared my throat. I fidget with the piece of chapati feeling nervous under his gaze.

"Err... Mama wo is saal ki trip announce hogai hai, Mumbai jaarahe hain. Teen din ke liye, to mujhe consent form kal tak submit karne hain. Aap sign kardengi?", I ask looking between her and Maasima.

Both of their moods dampen, they don't like anyone from the family going outside town. It's a fear, their husbands never returned so I understand it's natural. Ever since Dani stopped going to trips after Uncle Walid's death, they didn't want me to go as well. But I was too childish to understand their reasoning.

I always fought with Mama to go, even Dani couldn't convince me to stay back. Bush they were just one day trips. This time it's for three days. And tomorrow is the last date for submitting forms. I didn't want to go this time, but after yesterday's news I think I need some time apart from Dani. I also wanted to see his reaction.

Mama turned to him, pleading with her eyes to convince me otherwise. Dani, bas ek baar boldo, main nai jaungi. Bas ek baar.

I looked up at him with hopeful eyes, hope that he will stop me. Atleast that disappointment to appear in his eyes, anything. But his eyes are blank and for the first time in my life, I feel hopeless.

His blank eyes scared me shitless.

"If she wants to go, let her go Annie. She is a grownup girl, she knows how to take her own decisions." He speaks monotonously, then begins eating his food as if he didn't just break my heart.

I smile at them, I don't know why my eyes are filled with tears. Finally, I get to hear the words I wanted to from years but they don't hold the same value to me anymore. Funny how the world works. Just fifteen days ago, I would be jumping the whole day after hearing this.

I place the piece of chapati filled with gravy back on the plate, knowing one more bite would just choke me to death.

"I am too excited for this trip, I have to pack. Good night everyone." I try to say as cheerfully as I can. Then I run back to my room, pressing my face in the pillow to reduce the noise.

He doesn't want me.

He doesn't miss me.

He is not my Dani anymore.

I have lost him.

Next morning.

With ugly eye bags and lack of sleep, I manage to hide my state as much as I can and enter college. Today, Dani offered to drop me unlike the previous days when I was driving myself. I somehow kept myself out of his sight facing the window. We didn't talk through the ride, but I could feel his gaze on me a few times.

I greet my friends near the prayer hall where all have gathered and they again ask me about my consent form. I told them I would be joining the trip they all looked at me and Dani knowingly, thinking we had a fight over this like every year.

Samaira smirks at him, "So even this time our Naaz managed to convince you to let her go? You can never stand against her Dani, can you?"

Dani shrugs, "Well, I did not oppose this time. She knows what she is doing, who am I to interrupt?"

Yeah, go on remind me more about
the heartbreak. You jerk!

Usman decides to play cool, at the most unwanted moment, "I am so happy you are going Naaz. We will have so much fun. And don't you worry about Dani not being with you at all. I will always be there with you, to take care of you. So rest assured, you will be in safe hands"

I smile at him, trying to dodge the topic but these people don't have anything to talk about except for that stupid trip.

The rest of the day was spent in avoiding any eye contact with Dani and talks of the trip.