Two broken souls in the midst of a crazy world. Two souls running away from their past. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel was cracking, slowly closing in.
When these two connect, as if they were set on the same path, light cre...
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My calves burn, my chest feels like it's going to implode. The wind whips around me as I pump my legs faster. I like to envision myself as a track star sometimes. Like i'm in the olympics running for a gold medal. Im sure I look crazy, running as fast as I can off campus, into the busy sidewalks of new york.
I let my legs take over, getting out of my own head, music rang through my ears but I can no longer focus on it, i haven't felt this way since high school.
"Faster Vivian!" Coach screamed out to me. Im fucking exhausted, if I take one more step i'm scared i'm out to pass out right here on the track. "Fuck Coach you're killing me." I placed my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.
I hated running at first. My father was so disappointed I chose to do no extracurriculars, so I chose what i thought was the best option. It wasn't. "I don't give a damn, take five and get your ass back out on the track." I wiped the sweat off my forehead, shuffling over towards my water bottle.
"Hey baby" Anthony always comes to practice when he's not busy with football. "Hi" I smiled up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his lips. "Get back out there, I want to see you" I rolled my eyes, taking a deep breath, preparing myself for coach to scream at me once again.
"Focus Vivian. Don't pay attention to anything else but your speed, got it?" Oddly enough, Coach Jones is like a father figure. Sure he yells at me during practice, but outside of the track, he's always there. I can't even keep track of the amount of times i've got to his office crying, and he's always there to comfort me. Not in a weird way, just with advice, his advice alone is enough to calm me down.
I shake the thoughts out of my mind, slowing myself down to a walk. Maybe I'll check on coach, he was a pure soul, a grumpy man at times, but full of love. I take deep breaths, resting my hands on the top of my head. I didn't realize how far I went until I looked around, i'm at least four miles away from campus.
Turning myself around, I start the painful walk back to campus. The walk or run back is always the worst, you're tired and begging to sit down, and the distance feels ten times longer. I've always enjoyed watching strangers buzz by. I love thinking about their lives, where they're headed, who they are inside.
I wish I was kind, the kind of kindness that gravitates people towards you. I yearn to meet people, to learn about their lives, their dreams and goals. I was born with nothing of the sort. I cant manage to show the kindness I hold inside. I try so hard to get it out, but anger has always exceeded my kindness.
Years of therapy, years of changing myself over and over again, yet i'm stuck in the same sad loop. If I could rewrite my brain, if someone told me they could restart my thoughts I'd do it in a heart beat. To be someone like Val or Parker. They radiate joy, their souls are so pure, it kills me. It's selfish, I know, but I'd sacrifice everything for just one day in their brain, to see the world through their eyes.
