Two broken souls in the midst of a crazy world. Two souls running away from their past. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel was cracking, slowly closing in.
When these two connect, as if they were set on the same path, light cre...
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Why has life brought me to this point? I know I don't deserve this, I shouldn't have this unfamiliar feeling in my chest.
Not once in my life have I thought that I could deserve this feeling. I'm, in the simplest of words, a bad person. I 'm not kind, or gentle, and I don't even know how to regulate those emotions. So the question is, why? Why, as I sit here and watch this angel beside me sleep peacefully, do I deserve to feel something good? What is going to come to knock me to my senses?
She isn't perfect, far from it actually, to the naked eye of course. Yet, to me, from one fucked up person to another, she's perfect. I brushed her black hair behind her ear, giving me a better view of her sleeping face. Everyone has decided to take a nap, the stress of finals being over is a relief to us all, but unlike them, I can't sleep.
I've been lying here for over an hour, begging my brain to shut off, but it won't. I can't stop thinking about the excitement on her face when she saw her test score. The real, beautiful smile on her face when she realized her hard work paid off. What I never expected, was that she would kiss me.
I never thought the day would come. I saw it on her face for the first time, so many emotions flooded in for just a moment, and all I could think about it that she must have regretted it. Not this time, no. This time, she lingered in the moment, of course, not for long, but she didn't back right out of it.
That's progress, right? When I look at her, I want to break down every fucking wall the both of us have. I feel like I'm not in control of my body around her like I have to be around her. I'm not complaining, she must have hexed me or something. I think it is too late to try to push her away, even though half of me still wants to never see her again and forget that this happened. I know i cant.
I have no clue what the fuck I'm going to do alone with her for a week. I should've said no, said I'm actually going home, but that's a blatant fucking lie, something i don't do. Fucking rules. Only Vivian would make rules. I have no clue what they are, but I can bet that I'm not going to like them. She opened up earlier, just the smallest amount possible, but it was enough for me. It showed me that maybe, just maybe, she's getting comfortable with me.
The worst part about this is I don't know how to be good for her, or anyone for that matter. Sure, I can tell she doesn't know either, but she could scream and yell at me for hours and id let her. I understand her anger, her emotionless exterior, and I understand there is a breaking point, and I would let her get it out of her system in a heartbeat. Yet, when it comes to myself, I could never do that. Id rather rob a bank than ever yell or show any higher level of anger or frustration than the amount ive already shown her.
If anything progresses, it's destined for failure. Im starting to think the universe is setting us up to show, at least me, that I truly do not deserve this. It is obvious she is just as confused as I am with this unfamiliar emotion. This is fucking killing me.
