𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞 || 𝟏𝟖+

𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐓𝐰𝐨

If I could stay in bed for the rest of my life with no bills or worries, I would. The thought of being wrapped up in warm blankets with my laptop and movies until the end of time sounds like heaven. I've been stuck in bed for three days, I missed my last two lectures before finals, I just can't bring myself to get up.

I thought kissing Adonis would give me some sort of closure, proving my family wrong, but it's only made it worse. I don't know if I did it out of mental spite, or if I truly wanted to. Half of me knows I wanted to, I wanted to so SO bad, but half of me knows I acted out of anger from my conversation with my father.

With finals coming up and winter break slowly creeping up, I'm stuck. I have so much to do that my body is refusing to even get up and shower. Val has been begging and pleading with me, even pulling me off of my bed, but I refused to leave. She's been busy planning our friend getaway, and i've been busy replaying every single terrible memory in my life.

I need to study, I need to clean, I need to do laundry, I need to make time for my friends, I need to talk to Adonis, I need I need I need. Yet, i want to do nothing. It kills me, when my brain shuts down like this. I love my routine, I love my day to day life of doing the exact same things at the exact same times. We've even got our movie nights planned out on tuesdays and thursdays at six pm. That took a lot of begging, but they finally caved.

I peaked over at Val's side of the room, her bed was made and she seemed to already be up and about with her day. My clock read eleven forty five am. It's too early to be spiraling in my thoughts, but for the past three days, as soon as I open my eyes, there they all are, flooding in as if they were waiting for me.

My stomach growled at me for the millionth time, and I ignore it. Empty water bottles litter my bed, clothes are scattered around the floor, and my desk is a mess. Val has tried helping me clean up, but the thought of having her too it because i'm too incapable makes me mad. I refuse to let her feel as if she needs to take care of me, even if she's coming from a good place.

I glanced at the clock one more time, evelyn forty eight. Ignoring every bone in my body begging to stay in bed, I forced myself up. I stand there for a minute, contemplating whether or not to get on with my day, and finally, I shuffle my way towards the bathroom. I turned the shower on, making it as hot as possible. I waited for the steam to fog up the mirrors before removing my, probably disgusting by now, pajamas.

I stand there, letting the steaming hot water run down my body. I watch as my skin turns red, and the heat slowly feels like it's suffocating me. It feels good, it feels good to feel something, and right now, feeling the water try to burn my skin feels good.

I wash the heaps of dry shampoo and hairspray out of my hair, and scrub my body with my luffa until i feel somewhat clean again. I sat there for a moment longer, the water temperature was now going down, signaling it was time to get out.

I was happy I couldn't see my reflection in the mirror, I can only imagine my eye bags and dry skin. Skin care is my favorite part of my day. No matter how shitty I feel, taking the time to apply serums and moisturizer makes me feel brand new. I swung the bathroom door open, letting the cold air from the room hit my exposed skin. Goosebumps ran up my arms and legs from the quick change of temperature.