infamous

16 - the tension

"why out here?" i ask, as she leans against a huge tree trunk, the top of it long gone with the decay over the decades.

"if i wanted to kill you, i would've killed you in your sleep" she says, and i dont smile at her humour, because i just want to hear what she's got bottled up.

"you gonna tell me what bothering you or should i just go back?" 

"i know you're a good person, i do-"

"you dont know me bec, we've said this before. just because we spent a few days out there doesnt mean you know what kid of person i am" i interrupt.

"i know that you and monty are friends. i know you and finn have stuff in common. i know jasper and you played around like children. that you and clarke were like brother and sister before we even got here" 

"i dont care. this is survival, you're so naive"

"you're a human too, we've had this discussion too" she says, setting up whatever shitty persuasive line she has.

"stop hating me like im not then"

"i know you're human because you killed 2 guards, who killed my mother" she replies.

now i know the 2 people i helped, with children. there was only 3 people i tried to help on the arc with children, mostly because children were usually born to the richer people with better jobs, and the guards didnt target those people, the corrupt guards hit the strugglers.

"i dont remember" i reply.

"she could only take so much, and you didnt make it in time. i prayed that the rumours were true. after she died, i doubted you were real" she says.

"but after they died, i knew you were there. and i know you care about these things. you're a good person. clarke knew too, thats why she told me, not cause she's trying to tell anyone else. i needed to know" she continues.

"im trying to do good down here, for us, the 100 of us. not them. how can you want them down here?" i ask.

i lean up against the tree next to her, close enough to touch her.

"my father is there. he's a good man. never raised his voice at me, loved my mother with all his heart. my best friend. he deserves to be here" she says.

"marcus kane, jaha, paylor. they're the ones that'll have the same dirty guards keeping the so called peace down here. it'll be the same shit" i say.

"there's people who do deserve it, and people who dont. would you rather the good people die with the bad ones or the bad people to live down here with the good ones too?" she asks, and i smile, because i know she got me.

"see" she says, smiling too.

"its not just you. being here, makes me realise that everyone has the same pain, everyone has lost someone up there. everyone is just as crazy" 

"you're not crazy, i watched you today. helping with the wall, actually getting along with people. that inner dickhead just disappeared for a while" she laughs.

"what have i done thats so bad? what did i do to have people be scared of me?" i ask her.

"we're down here 10 minutes, you have wells jaha, by the throat, against the dropship. we go on this walk, you pull out a gun, with insane aim somehow. we get back to camp, you're barely alive, and the first thing you do is pull that sword on bellamy, then strangle murphy. then wells again. oh, i forgot finn on the cliff too, then you almost break well's jaw? your have a temper, and people can see it, every single time" she replies.