infamous

32 - the meeting

raven and i talk for a while, not because im particularly fond of her, but because im in a bad mood. bullets are shit, no communication, and everyone else is throwing a stupid party at the worst time possible.

i dont help her with the bullets, i just sit on the other side of the tent, loading good bullets into the magazine of the gun i chose.

this isnt a hunting gun, this is a gun that will defend our camp.

"making bullets on unity day?" finn says, pushing the opening wider and stepping inside.

"the grounders dont know it's unity day" she says, and i know they're about to have a spat, but i definitely dont care, so i grab the hunting rifle and 5 GOOD bullets, and leave the tent.

i walk straight past clarke and bellamy, watching over the reckless juveniles, and walk into my tent.

bec sits alone, visibly upset, tears drawing clean lines in her unwashed face.

"whats wrong?" i ask her.

"do you love me?" she asks me, her hands flopping down in her lap.

"what's going on?" i repeat, as she starts to sob again.

she says nothing, but cries into her hands, sleeves covering her palms.

"you know how i feel about you bec"

"no nath, i dont. all you do is look out for yourself" she says, shifting from sad crying to angry, raw tears.

"calm down" i say, kneeling down, my head in line with her chest, as i sit on my knees in front of her.

"i should've known, this wasnt gonna happen. you cant do anything without something in return" she says, flicking my hands away from hers.

"you're wrong" i say, standing up, placing the rifle on my makeshift bed.

"am i? tell me im wrong, tell me that you've fallen for me, tell me that you cant stop thining about me. you told me once, but thats it" she says, her tears flowing like nothing ive seen from her.

i dont say anything, and her hands fall into her lap again, looking right at me with those pools of sweet deep blue.

"i just want you to tell me how you feel" she says, and i can literally hear her heart crumbling.

i look at the ground, then back to her.

"im so scared. ive never felt like this about anyone else. i cant go outside those walls without thinking about you. i cant walk through the camp without checking if you're safe. you sit with shawn, having breakfast, i wanna tear off his fucking head. i cant explain it, but if this is what love is, its scary" i reply, as she smiles, and holds her arms out, as i drop back to my knees again, and hug her in the chair.

"im scared too, but just about losing you. to the grounders, to those other girls, i just- i love you nath" she says, and i cant help but smile too.

"i love you too" i say, heart leaping out of my chest, mind racing.

i stand up, looking at her wiping her tears and fixing herself up.

"im sorry about all this, i just needed to know, i had to tell you" she says, as i sit down on the other chair, watching her fixing her hair, turned away from me, probably feeling vulnerable as ever.

"im sorry i made you feel like that" i reply.

"no no, thats on me. im sorry im crying, trying to tell you everything" she says, as she walks over to me, and i usher her onto my lap, her head falling into my neck.