infamous

17 - the wall

most people sleep as far away from the dropship as they can, with jaspers groans of pain posing a serious threat to our camp.

if there's grounders past that cliff, they probably know exactly where our camp is.

for some reason, i sit near wells, talking about camp. in the times where im calm, collected and relaxed, he doesnt seem too bad.

until i get angry, or some adrenaline, then the only thing that rushes into my brain when i see him is my mother. the only thing that stops me cutting off his head, is the dreams ive had, finally speaking to her.

they feel so real, unlike any dream ive ever had, with the ability to not just watch the events, but i could make decisions, say what i want, stuff like that.

"i dont think he'll kill anyone, but i do know that he'll stop the arc getting down here, at any cost" wells says, and i cringe at how stupid he sounds, always having to put his say in.

"pretty obvious, but i dont blame him" i reply. 

i sit on a little ledge on the dropship, about 8 feet high, and he sits next to me, about 6 feet away.

"i know mackinnon, i know you feel the same as him, but you're killing people up there, as well as punishing my father or whatever you actually want" he replies.

obviously it's occurred to me, that under bellamy and i, the arc wont get down here. that means kane and jaha and the rest of that council and guard never breathe this air, never have this chance. but then theres all the people, who could be in the same boat as my mother, just trying to get by for their children, who'll die up there.

thats why i havent stormed montys little lab near jasper and clarke. he's using wristbands to try and get communication somehow. but communication on any way to get proper food or shelter would be helpful, only an idiot would deny that.

"whatever i actually want? i want revenge. i want them to feel helpless- alone, i want them to feel how i did" i say.

"and you feel like killing me will do that to my dad?" he asks, probably about to beg for me not to.

"no. we arent friends, but im not about killing innocent people. i dont like you, but that shit you did for clarke, that was alright" i reply.

"thats the closest thing ill get to friendship from you isnt it?" he asks, really pushing me. fuck what i said, ill kill him now.

"for someone asking if ill kill them, you sure do know how to put that question right back into my head" i reply.

"because my father made choices? i had nothing to do with that"

"you stood there next to him, for what? to watch? i remember, clear as day, you, standing next to him, as he pushed that button" 

"so do i. you wore black shoes, you had no tattoos, she had that brown jacket on, and a clip in her hair" he says, as i dont snap at him for this, i just start thinking, my head going into a deep cloud.

"she told you she loved you, and to keep being her boy. i remember everything i saw, every time he floated someone. i didnt like it, but someone had to do it, and after he died, id be ready. ready to protect those people. its a hard choice" 

"wells. you've made your point. im not gonna kill you, fuck, if you stay out of my way i might not even try break your jaw. but down here, you're the villain, in everyones stories. watch your back. im not gonna be attacking it, but i sure as hell dont have your back either" i say, as he smiles.

"i dont expect you to have my back, i just wanted your side of whats going on down here" he replies, sliding down from his perch, onto the dirt.

"my side is keeping everyone alive, even you, but i do like seeing you get fucked up"