sanctuary // george joji miller

twenty six

author's note
i am not encouraging you all to smoke, it is really bad for your health and i believe joji also stopped smoking too, and i am too, in a process of stopping it and try other things like working out and such, again,
i am not encouraging you all to smoke.

i just need to write this chapter, and will speak from experience why i started smoking 2 years ago. you can skip this chapter if you are not comfortable in reading such content, this is kind of a filler, anyways, but if you want to read, i'm warning you in advance!

TRIGGER WARNING
smoking, self harm

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You've been smoking for that long?" I said in shock, he nodded his head.

"Yup, I think I grew a habit of always brushing my teeth or taking a bath after so mom wouldn't know," he told me. "like, the smell wouldn't stick on me, you know what I mean?" He added, almost a mumble.

He kept his gaze at the window, looking at the cars passing by. We're already on the bus as we go our way home from 88rising's studio.

"I started to smoke so that I won't hurt myself anymore." I opened up. He glanced at me, nodding again.

"Right? I mean technically, like smoking also hurts you but you know, smoking is better." He shared, "I like smoking honestly, it feels nice."

"I stopped smoking that much when I graduated high school, just not long ago, but I still smoke occasionally."

"What happened? If you don't mind sharing," he trailed off with the last sentence. "Actually never mind, maybe you don't want to remember bad memories."

"No, it's fine." I chuckled. "I'm over it, I think."

"Alright."

"Yeah so high school is not a good memory for me," I started to tell my story. He kept his look at me, focusing. "some may like talking about it to reminisce good times but I forgot most of the happy times, and all I remember are the bad times, which I discovered recently, is an effect of trauma."

"Yeah, that's how it is." He mumbled, biting his lip in thought.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I don't know why but I was never liked, I had a phase wherein I would change my whole self just for people to like me, still didn't work." I told him, "The only constant person I had throughout my life is Ezra, honestly. He has a lot of admirers at school, and that caused for girls to hate me more, I just grew to not give a fuck about it."

"I get excluded a lot in my early high school years, until one day I just decided to live with it, you know, just alone, enjoy my life without the help of others." I finished. "And honestly having Ezra was enough, I realized that I don't need a lot of friends, I don't need everyone to like me, you know what I'm saying?"

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," he said to me, frowning. "It's good that you had Ezra."

"It's alright, turns out it's also fun to be independent, I guess it taught me a lesson that will stay with me through time." I smiled, he held both of my hands and kissed it. "Sure, he was there, but I learned to stand up alone, to enjoy things, even when I'm alone."

"Yeah?"

"And honestly, being with you feels different, I've never had someone treat me like this, it's mostly just me caring for others, but man, it feels good to have someone care for you in a way." I smiled as I think back to when I first met him, to how we got together. "It feels good to have someone like you here with me."

"You'll never lose me, Freya." He reassured, holding my hands once again, squeezing it a bit. "I'll be with you, always, and we will be each other's sanctuary."

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pretty chill chapters don't ya think????