sanctuary // george joji miller

forty two

from chapter 28
george's point of view

How do I tell her I have leukemia?

Hell, how do I even tell Jane? Sean?

God, I don't know what to do. Just when everything is finally going well in my life this problem rises up.

Most importantly, how do I tell Freya about this? I should tell her at least, right?

I can't bring myself to tell her.

For the past few days this is all I've been thinking about, how to tell everyone that I have developed acute myeloid leukemia?

Should I just get treatment myself? But I don't want to bother Jane, the treatments are expensive. I can't even tell Sean, and what I get from the label isn't even enough for all of it.

The deafening silence in my room is not helping at all, I'm hearing my unending thoughts overlapping at each other at the same time.

I glanced at the clock and it's already 8:39, I should take my breakfast now so I can drink my medications, for narcolepsy and stuff. I stood up from my chair and held unto the doorknob. I stopped, my mind again, bombarding me with countless questions.

But it's getting hard to be around her while hiding what I'm feeling, what I'm going through, yet again, I can't bring myself to tell her.

Fuck it, maybe she won't question me anything, I just hope so.

I brought myself into the quiet kitchen and I saw her, sitting there looking at the wall as if she's thinking.

"Good morning." I greeted, she jolted upon seeing me but still managed to give me a smile that always brightens my shitty days.

She's the only person that could literally flip a switch in me and automatically makes me forget about everything I'm thinking about for a while. And I hate that I'm making her worry about me, I just know that she's thinking about it, about me being distant, but again.

I can't bring myself to tell her.

"Good morning love, I cooked bacons for today." She said with that smile still plastered in her face. I tried my best to match the energy she's giving me but I just can't be as happy as her right now.

And I know for a fact that there's something behind that facade.

I just nodded blatantly at her and sat in my usual seat across her, serving myself my food. I can't even look at her, I opened my phone and just scrolled through my timeline, not even actually reading whatever's on it.

"By the way, since my university is kind of far, I thought of renting a dorm," She told me and I just listened to her.

The realization of her going to college still doesn't sink to me sometimes, she will be away from me and that makes me feel blue.

"That's good, you don't have a car yet and the two hour commute would be very hassle everyday." I answered in a monotonous tone, and she nodded as a response.

"Would that be fine with you?"

But I guess that is for the best.