My Teddy

51

Jordan

"-and if the cables come undone, all you have to do is plug them back in, okay?"

"Okay."

"And for the wireless power cables, make sure they dont stay apart for more than 10 hours."

"Right."

"Alright, that about sums everything up."

"Thank you, Mr. McCollum."
I say, showing the cable guy to the door.

Yesterday after the plummer guy left, my cable shut down right in the middle of me watching my morning cartoons.

Hey, don't judge.

Cartoons are a part of my childhood.

Waking up and watching cartoons is a old habit I never even thought of breaking.

I haven't seen my princess in a whole day.😢

But I'm doing better than I thought I'd do.

I barely even thought of her, yesterday I was just oh so busy.

I built Rex a dog house in the backyard for when she's here by herself and it look perfect.

Rex loves it, she's been out there every since I showed it to her.

You got to love seeing a happy dog.

After the cable guy leaves, I make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I have to go to walmart in a little bit to buy paint and paintbrushes.

I have no idea what color I want to paint with, but lately I've been feeling a little suffocated in these plain white rooms.

I kind of want to call Brook and ask if she wants to go to Walmart with me later on today to pick out colors.

Hm.

Maybe not.

She's probably busy watching after Eli.

Being a temporary mother.

I want her to be a real mother.

To my child.

God.😲

I love her that much. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Do I?

I mean, I'm pretty sure I do.

I have a mental battle with myself as I show the cable dude to the door.

And even after he leaves, I find myself staring at the door, deep in thought about it.

She's my baby girl and yeah, I tell her I love her all the time. Every chance I get.

I want to make up for all that lost time.

But does she love me that much?

Enough to carry my children along with my heart?

Is she even strong enough?

It also comes with a lot of emotional baggage.

Hell, she won't even let me touch her yet.

I find myself wandering to the couch, getting myself all worried.

What if she doesn't even really love me?

What if she's just messing around, leading me on?

No.

Absolutely not, I will not talk myself into believing that I am not the love of her life.

She is mine.