i miss you | e.d.

7

today marks the 5 month anniversary of my brothers death. i'm taking it really badly. it's been half a year without the most important person in my life.

i'm going to his grave today. i'm gonna bring flowers and stuff, talk to him, tell him just how much i miss him.

i decided on wearing my black sweater and my semi dark ripped jeans. i got in my car and took a deep breath.

on my way to the cemetery i picked up his flowers, which were his favorite color; blue.

when i arrived, i slowly walked up to his grave. i saw his name and immediately felt myself get choked up.

"hey j..." i said placing the flowers down onto the ground.

"i look crazy talking to you but god i miss you so fucking much." i said starting to cry.

"incase you didn't know, i made a few friends at the new school. ethan, grayson, and claire. i'm starting to feel happier. i know you would want me to move on with my life and not be stuck on your death and the past. thank you for being such an amazing big brother. i love you so much. i hope you're happy again being with mom. i love and miss you both." i cried a little longer, before i decided to get up and go.

i kissed my hand and placed it on his grave.

"bye j" i left a few more tears slip.

i really didn't want to go home alone. my dad obviously isn't home, he working. so i do the first thing that came to my mind.

"hey e" i said into the phone.

"hey soph, are you okay?" he asks.

"yeah i just went to jackson's grave, and i don't wanna be alone right now." i say.

"i'll get movies and blankets ready, drive safely okay." i smile and sniffle.

"thank you so much." i put the car in drive and headed to ethans house.

i wiped a couple tears away as i drove, a let the sniffles be the only sound filling my car. before i knew it, i was pulling into ethans driveway. i turned off my car, and got out.

my feet carried me to ethans front door, bringing hand up to knock. seconds later, the door opens and a worried ethan appears.

"hey soph" he said, immediately wrapping his arms around me in a tight, comfortable, hug. i just hugged him back staying silent, not knowing what to say.

"okay, so i got some of your favorite movies, soft comfy blankets, and your favorite snacks." he smiles sweetly at me.

"i don't deserve you, like at all" i say.

"oh hush yes you do. just making sure my bestfriend is okay." he said slightly hugging me again. he places his arm around my shoulder as he leads us up to his room.

when i walk in i see the whole set up ethan has mentioned and my heart melts.

"you like?" he grins and holds his arms out like vanna white. i chuckle and nod.

"no one has done something as sweet as this for me." i say.

except my brother.

that's why this meant a lot more to me. because it's comforting to have someone who cares that much just like jackson did.

i sat down on ethans bed and and snuggled into the blankets. after ethan had started the movie, he climbed into the bed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him. i smile at the sweet gesture, and get comfortable.

we watch 2 movies back to back, and decided we were tired of watching movies. so ethan gave the idea that we both just talk. we had our best memories from just talking.

we both laid there staring at the ceiling, wrapped up in soft blankets.

"have you ever just had a day where you felt so shitty, and thought, 'damn. this is the end'?" i asked.

"yeah. the day my dad was diagnosed." ethan answered sadly. i turned my head to look at him, still laying on my back. "it was probably the worst day of my life. even though it was only a diagnosis, i felt like he was gonna die the next second. ever second i feel like it's my last, and it's eating me alive." he expresses.

i completely turn onto my side to face him. i lift my small hand and place it on top of his hands that we placed on his chest. he looks over to me, and grabs my hand squeezing it. he follows my lead and turns completely on his side.

"thank you for being here. and listening." he softly says.

"i will always be there for you, just like you're always there for me." smiles at me sweetly. he then pulls the hand of mine i forgot he was holding, making me end up laying on him like he was a pillow.

his hand brushed away the hair from my face as i cuddled into him.

"i love you so much bestfriend." i say.

"i love you so much more." he said

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A/N: when ethan really does love her more>>>