i miss you | e.d.

40

after prom, i expected things to start moving a little smoother. i guess considering the stress of pre-prom was hellacious, i thought maybe it would be nice to go back to normal.

yeah no.

today, my father came home. a drunk wreck, might i add. i was hoping maybe he wouldn't come home on today of all days.

jackson's birthday. today i was planning on sitting in my room watching old videos and looking at old pictures of jackson.

i hid in my room, and stayed quiet. heavy footsteps stumbled around the house, down the halls, slamming doors shut, and knocking shit over.

soon enough the front door slammed shut again and i heard a car drive away. no way did he just drink and drive.... i peek through the window and see that my father and his car are gone yet again.

i unpause the old home movies my mom use to make when jackson and i were little. i cried because of how much i love and miss him.

suddenly a small box fell from the shelf in my room.
my head snaps towards it being startled and a bit spooked. i contemplated going and grabbing the box.

i mean shit. yolo.

i get up off my bed and walk over to the box. my hand lightly picks up the box and immediately memories run through my brain.

*flashback*

"HAPPY 9TH BIRTHDAY SAINTY" jackson screams smiling.

his small hands push a small box towards me and i smile. i open the box and a small blue bracelet. you could tell that jackson had hand made the bracelet, because it was braided blue strings with three beads that spelled out 'bse'.

"it means best sister ever" he excitedly says. i smile and hug him.

"thanks jackson!!" he hugs me back.

"look!" he exclaims. he shows me his wrist and he had a matching bracelet on as well. it spelled bbe.

"best brother ever?" i asked. he noded and we both laughed.

*end of flashback*

i remember we both never took off those bracelets until the day he died. i made sure that he was buried wearing that bracelet.

one of the last times we hung out before he died he asked me to make sure he was wearing his favorite banana socks and our matching bracelet.

god i miss him.

i'm pulled out of my thoughts when i get a text on my phone.

ethan- hey my love.
ethan- just wanted to make sure you were doing okay today
ethan- i love you and of u need anything let me know

me- thanks e
me- i'm okay, just a little sad, and missing j.
me- i could use some cuddles tho

ethan- i'll be over in 10 minutes

i smiled at my phone and slid the bracelet on my wrist. i'm still mad that i took it off.

i took it off because i got way too sad when i saw it. but now i get happy because i feel like jackson is with me.

i believe that jackson knocked it off my shelf as a sign.

"i miss you j..." i softly say into the air incase he was here.

-

i heard a car pull up and got nervous at first. but once i looked out my window i realized that it was ethan and i got excited.

i walked downstairs to open the door for him. when i pulled the door open, i saw ethan standing there with a bag on chick-fil-a, and box.

"CHICKEN NUGGETS!" i yelled happily. ethan chuckled and handed me the chick-fil-a bag.

"thank you SO MUCH." i pause looking at the box. "what's that?" i ask.

"okay so i remember when you would tell me about jackson, you told me that hit favorite flowers were blue orchids, and that he liked them because they were the cool kid flowers and only cool kids can like them." he chuckled and started opening the box.

"so i ordered these online, and i was thinking maybe we could go put them on his grave today and sing him happy birthday?" he asks.

i fell my eyes well up with tears and i nod.

"you are the sweetest guy in the fucking world." i say hugging him.

"only for you." he says hugging me tighter.

"i love you e" i say

"i love you more saint." he says.

-

we drove to jackson's grave when i finished eating my chicken nuggets that ethan brought me.

i placed the blue orchids down in front of jackson's headstone.

"i bet he's happy you got him his cool kid flowers" i said.

"i'm glad. i need to make a good impression so that when i ask him for his blessing later in life he'll say yes." ethan says. i chuckle and he puts his arm around me.

"i wasn't kidding one day i'm gonna be standing right here asking him for his blessing to let me make you my wife. and that's a promise." he says. i smile and place a quick kiss on his lips.

"i'll be holding you to that promise until it happens." i say. ethan chuckles and i smile.

it was a pretty sunny day so ethan and i sat by jackson's grave and i told stories about jackson and just talked about him.

after about an hour and a half or two hours, ethan and i decided to go.

we ate at jackson all time favorite restaurant and i ordered jackson favorite food, a big ass burger with steak fries and ranch. simple, but good.

then ethan and i went to the beach to watch the sunset. something jackson loved to do. he claimed that watching the sunset was therapeutic for the soul. i'd have to agree with him on that one.

i decided to go back to ethans house but before i did, i rushed back home and up to my closet.

my hands found the blue champion hoodie that jackson gave me and i slipped it on.

"happy birthday j" i said before rushing back out of my house and into ethans car.

————
A/N: okay wow how is it possible to literally LOVE jackson when he's fictional?????

this whole chapter was one random thought that i just went with and BAM chapter 40.

okay anyways hope u enjoyed.

VOTE PLS.