i miss you | e.d.

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the rest of last night i spent crying in my room. alone.

i had shut off my phone completely and haven't turned it on since. i don't plan too.

yesterday was a holiday, meaning that i would have to go back to school today. with ethan....

i got up and grabbed a pair of black leggings, and jackson's blue champion hoodie. everytime i wear it i feel like he's with me. and at a time like this i need him so bad.

i then stepped into my bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair. i applied a small amount of mascara and some chapstick.

my hand grabs a scrunchie and slide it onto my wrist. just incase i felt like putting my hair up today.

i wasn't hungry so i slipped out on breakfast. i honestly was just ready to be done with the school day and go home to cry again.

no you may be asking why did you break up with him if you still love him?

well i may love him more than anything on this earth, but for right now we were moving so fast and i'm so young. he is too. maybe i made a mistake i don't know. only time will tell.

my car slowly pulled into the parking space and i turn off the car. i sigh and lay my head on the steering wheel trying not to cry.

maybe i should've just not come today.

"fuck it" i mutter to myself getting out of my car. i cant be this much of a pussy.

my feet carry me inside the building and i keep my head hung low. i watch my feet as i approach my locker. i put in the combination and open the metal door.

"sophia what the fuck happened? i've been texting you non stop since yesterday?" graysons voice approached me. i felt my eyes well up with tears and i looked up at him.

his eyes softened and he took me into a hug.

i begin to softly cry. so much for my mascara. graysons hand brushed softly through my hair to comfort me.

"i'm sorry gray i turned my phone off completely last night i didn't mean to ignore you." i say pulling away and wiping under my eyes.

"what happened yesterday?" he asks softly.

"i broke up with ethan...." i say painfully. beginning to feel tears roll down my face.

"what? why?" grayson asks confused.

"everything was moving so fast and he expected me to drop everything and pick up to move across the country at 17? we're both so so young. i just don't know if this is all right or not. but i can tell you one thing i'm dying inside not being with him. i just don't know what to do gray.....long distance relationships just don't work out...." i say sniffling.

"soph, he's ripping apart without you right now. i know that this la decision is a lot on your plate right now, but i hate seeing my brother in this much pain. he hasn't spoken a single word to anyone since you left the house yesterday. his eyes have been constantly red and puffy from crying and it's breaking me seeing you and him like this." grayson explains.

"i know and i hate that i made him feel like shit. but i just feel like i need time alone to think. i just don't know what to do anymore." i say. graysons give me another hug before we both head to class.

on the way of COURSE i has to bump into someone because i wasn't looking where i was going. instead i was crying and looking down.

oh trust and believe my heart shattered when i realized who i bumped into.

"i'm sorry" i sniffled before looking up. when i looked up my eyes met ethans and i felt two tears spill out of my eyes.

before he could get a word out i speed walked away and into my classroom. i immediately put my head down and silently cried.

fucking bitch today is gonna be hard.

-

at the end of the day i drove home and locked myself in my room again. i feel my stomach growl and i realize that i haven't eaten at all yesterday or today. well shit...

i unlock my door and head downstairs for some food. but since my father hasn't been home in a while, there no groceries here. there's moldy bread and a rotten orange.

great. guess i'm not eating then.

i've still refused to turn my phone on, but weakly gave in.

as soon as it loaded text messages flooded my phone. mostly from grayson. there was one from ethan. i hesitated, but i opened it.

ethan- i'm sorry if things were moving too fast.

me- it's okay. i'm sorry for hurting you.

ethan was quick to text back, like usual.

ethan- i get not wanting to move with me but why did we have to break up? my life is falling apart without you saint...

me- if i decide to stay here and you go to la, that would force us into a long distance relationship and those just don't work ethan...

ethan- sophia we could make it work i know we could

me- ethan.....
me- i love you with all my heart and i will never ever stop.
me- but as of right now, if i don't decide to go to la with you we can't stay together. it will be too painful for the both of us.

ethan- ok.

i start crying so hard that i cant breathe. in this moment right here, i feel dead.

completely and totally dead.

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A/N: sobbing