i miss you | e.d.

20

it had been about a week or so since ethan and i had made up or whatever you want to call it.

it was almost new years and to say was kind of sad would be an understatement. to say i was feeling a little hashtag lonely would also be a big understatement.

ethan recently started to try and get himself back out there. i was hoping maybe just maybe he would look at me like that but as usual i got my hopes up for nothing. i cant be mad at him because it's not his fault and it never will be.

he had started talking to this really sweet girl in my grade, named stella. she's in my 6th period and she's super nice. i'm happy for him honestly.

i remember ethan told me that day that we went to the park after he started dating melody, that i could find someone to be with on new years. deep down i was hoping thay by now that would've been him.

it's not.

new year's eve is actually in 2 days, and the twins are throwing a party with a couple friends coming. nothing too big and outrageous.

the only people who i know are coming are ethan, stella, grayson, me, nash, nate, hayes, and hayes' new girlfriend ava.

ethan and stella hang out a lot but this time they include grayson and i. i really do think stella is good for ethan. she really truly cares for him and is a really good girlfriend. i just want ethan to be happy.

(A/N: so i don't want to explain the days leading up to new year's eve so i'm gonna skip to new year's eve. get ready broskis.)

N E W  Y E A R S  E V E

i went to the twins house early today to help set up snacks and stuff for the party. stella wasn't here yet and ethan was still getting ready, leaving grayson and i down stairs to set stuff up.

"did you find someone to bring?" grayson asks.

"nope. going solo. again." grayson friends and has a sad look in his eye.

"i'm sorry that you couldn't be ethans date." he says catching me off guard.

"it's uh okay. i'll be fine. stella makes him happy and that's all i want for him." i say truthfully.

a lie. sort of. i want ethan happy but damn i have always wanted a new years kiss. try again next year.

people start showing up, and everyone starts talking and having a good time.

there's about two hours left until midnight, and everyone is just chilling on the couch waiting for it to come.

i keep thinking about how badly i wanted to be able to celebrate new years happily with someone. i mean we don't always get what we want, and it isn't the end of the world.

ethans and grayson start taping jokes and stories, making everyone join in, including myself. we all start cracking up when e and gray start telling stories from when they were kids.

i start to become absent from the conversation again because i remembered that this is my first new years without jackson.

it fucking sucks that he won't be able to see the next year, or get married, or have kids. i genuinely think about this alot sometimes, and i end up having survivors guilt.

meaning that i feel like it should've been me. i'd rather it be me. he deserved to live.

i'm torn out of my thoughts when ethan says my name.

"sophia?" he says confused. "are you good?"

i nod head and smile hoping he would let it go. thankfully he did and i get up to go to the bathroom. i look in the mirror and mentally scold myself.

cheer the fuck up. don't cause issues for everyone else because you're sad. they deserve to be happy.

i take a deep breath and go back out to the party. there's only 3 minutes left and i look at the tv. i see the crowds in new york starting to cheer and i look back at everyone else.

ethan and stella grow closer together as he wraps his arm around her.

hayes and ava do the same.

nate and nash bro hug since they're also single.

grayson comes back into the room with a bottle of water and looks at stella and ethan. he looks to me and gives me a sad look. i shrug and look down.

suddenly i hear everyone counting down from 30.

"30...29....28!" everyone cheers and i lightly say along. the chrystal ball on the tv begins moving down.

"20...19...18...17!" they keep shouting. stella hugs onto ethan tighter and he smiles.

"14....13.....12!" my heart sinks and i look down at my feet. the final couple of seconds left in 2019 approach.

"10....9....8...7...6...5...4...3..2...1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!" ethan and stella kiss, as do hayes and ava. i just stand there awkwardly.

out of nowhere i feel graysons hand pull my face towards him and his lips smash onto mine.

happy new years?

——
A/N: woah there😳