Alone At Night

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I wriggle out of Brett's arms, which protected me the whole night from nightmares. Sneaking out of his bedroom, I take a look at my lover's sleeping face. How can anyone be so lovely even drooling? And with that, I tiptoe out into the kitchen.

Boiling water for our coffee I think about last night. How I told him for the first time about my dreams.

The evening before.

"And I heard you scream last night again, please don't tell me there's nothing wrong." Brett looks me straight into the eyes. I just shrug my shoulders and answer "Nah just a nightmare. Sorry, did I wake you up?", crossing my fingers he won't ask more. But it wouldn't be my Brett, if he wasn't caring about me. With his deadpan face he stares at me and I can't resist.

"Okay, see" I begin and put my drink down. "Since you've been asking me out, I keep having these dreams. I'm in a concert hall alone, there is nobody there, just me on the stage. It's dim lit and a bit scary. Brett, you know how scary abandoned concert halls look? They're creepy! And I stand there alone, on the stage, no instrument, no buddy, just the empty seats in front of me. And I can't get a tone out. I open my mouth but I can't make a sound. And I can't move."

Brett, listening, leans forward and puts his hand on my knee. "But what has is to do with me asking you out? And where is the part of you, screaming, every night?... Is it my fault?" His voice is full of worry.

"No no no Brettybrett no look, it's not your fault! It's just my mind playing pranks, because... Because... You deserve someone so much better than me... Like Janine, maybe."

Brett smiles softly "Dude, Janine is married to a wonderful husband. And I want you, I don't need Janine" looking to the window, he shouts "sorry Janine!" and smiling, turns back to me. "So? How does your dream go on?"

I look down on his hand, still resting on my knee.

"When I try to speak again, I can see you entering the hall. And it's getting brighter. Like, you're bringing a ray of light with you, shining and smiling and shutting the door behind you. I still can't speak and you come closer but I want to tell you to stop because I know what will happen once you reach the 5th row. But I can't warn you."

The first tear rolls down, I feel the others following but I have the urge to tell Brett the whole dream.

So I continue "I can't warn you, because I can't make a sound! And every dream is the same! The moment you reach the 5th row, I can see you stop smiling and collapse. And it's getting dark again but I can finally move. My feet sprint over to you but you're not there. No you are there, but you're not technically you."

I sob and try to gather my voice but it's shaky. "You're lying there, cut in pieces. And I'm holding a big sharp knife. The moment I realize I'm cutting you up, I wake up. That's the point you can hear me."

Brett pulls me into a hug and caresses my back. I'm letting my tears wet his shirt and I am glad I could let this out.

"That's a horrible dream. I wouldn't let you cut me up. You're not Jack the Ripper." Brett's voice sounds calming from above. "And you know I would understand your warning even without words. I know you. And I can almost read your mind, so don't worry, Eddy. I'm here, I'm alive and I will be for the next 90 years, hopefully."

Next thing I realize is his lips on mine, tasting like tears. But not only mine. It's a soft, caring and loving kiss, showing how alive we are. And how warm our bodies are. I try to say his name, but am being cut off by another kiss. Our tears meet on our noses, cheeks and lips, his hands still on my back and pulling me even closer, my hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

Our lips part and Brett kisses my temple once, whispering "Come sleep with me tonight. Let's not give this dream a chance to come back."

Back to this morning.

And now I'm standing in his door, 2 hot coffees in my hand and see him wave me to his side. Putting the cups down, I sit on the bed and say "Thank you for saving me."

He laughs with his gorgeous laugh and answers "No, Thank you for not slicing me up tonight. Let's just fusion our bedrooms today, so you'll never be alone at night again."

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