Tabula Rasa (BakuDeku)

43

You'll Never Be A God

Katsuki feels like his life just keeps getting worse and worse.

Mr. Aizawa slams the last math test onto his desk, a brief look of disappointment in his eyes. Katsuki flips the paper right side up.

A big, fat F.

The bright red ink stares back at him, mocking. The paper goes up in flames.

It's been a week since he failed to get Deku back. A week since he's lost all hope in humanity, a week since Katsuki's smiled.

Toga gives him a sad smile from across the room.

He's been getting a lot of those now. Pity.

"Alright, class is over. Those who received lower than a 60%, your test corrections are due next Monday." Half the class groans. It's Friday? Never mind then, it's been about two weeks now. Katsuki's body moves on autopilot, shoving the burnt failure into his bag without bothering to put it in a binder like he usually does.

Denki and Hanta pop up out of nowhere like wack-a-moles, "Hey Katsuki, wanna come to my room after school? The rest of the boys are coming, and Mina. Jiro said she'd come this time, too."

"No." Katsuki's going to his room and going to bed. He powers past the duo and out the door without giving either of them a look.

Just like he promises, he goes straight to his dorm and falls asleep.

When Katsuki wakes up, it isn't to his six am alarm per usual. Instead, his body jolts awake like there's an emergency.

His brain buzzes as the dark room spins around him, clutching his beating heart and scrunching the tight black t-shirt under his grip. The buzzing eventually dulls to a hum that doesn't fade, so he blinks the sleep and purple dots away, deciding to get on with his day. There isn't any sunlight peeking through the curtains, what time is it?

His red clock yells at him to get the fuck up: 9:08 pm. Shit. He hasn't even looked at his homework.

Katsuki lets the body that doesn't feel like his own collapse back into his bed, blowing a raspberry as he mentally replays the events from the day week before. It's like that day is stuck on repeat, a shitty reel that Katsuki wants to burn to the ground. He scrunches his nose and pulls at his hair like it's gonna erase every damn memory he has with that dumb nerd.

He wishes it did.

"Whatever," Ignoring the crawl under his skin, Katsuki pulls himself from his gross, sweaty bed. His t-shirt has been soaked through to an even deeper black, so he rips it off and throws it in the hamper, being extra careful to not set it on fire. Everything in this room is fucking bomb.

Carefully, he rips his sheets off the cot and balls them in his hands, trying to avoid the extra sweaty parts. He stuffs it in the hamper after his shirt, deeming it unimportant enough to deal with later.

This is sad. He can't even cry.

Naked except for his underwear, Katsuki sits back down on his bare bed. It's cold in his room, cold enough to make him shiver, but he doesn't move to change. Katsuki just sits in the cold like a loser.

There's two knocks on the wall behind him, from Eijirou's room. 'Good' 'Night'.

They do this every night. Whoever goes to bed first is supposed to knock on the wall twice. Eijirou forced him to push his bed against the wall that they share so Katsuki doesn't have to get out of bed to say goodnight.

Groaning, Katsuki pushing himself towards the wall. It's too much effort, and no matter how much he's sleeps, he's still exhausted.

Lifting a bare, shaky hand, he knocks once. He doesn't deserve friends like Eijirou.