THESE HIDDEN WINGS

[130] ASSEMBLY (part-one)

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Not because she was royalty or her Dad owned Kinsgsland, but simply because she had earned it.

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THE SUN CAST its first-morning ray across the highlights of my room, and although I hadn't opened my eyes yet, the tickle of it, inches away from my nose was enough for me to know.

It also helped that I hadn't really managed to get much sleep last night, and my body still felt tired, though my mind refused to go to sleep.

I listened to the shuffle of sheets across me but kept my eyes closed.

After the 'incident' yesterday, Daya had at least two good hours after midnight.

I had pretended to be fast asleep then, but the truth was, falling asleep was the hardest part of last night.

I listened quietly as she prepared for her bath, the door cringing open and shutting after before allowing my tired eyes to open, letting them adjust to the open streak of sunlight before turning around and staring at the ceiling robotically.

I should be preparing for classes and yet I had no feeling of urgency running through my blood.

Breakfast at 6:30, Class at 8.

And yet I didn't want to move, a hollow feeling already having had formed within me.

Last night I had gone to bed feeling stupid over everything that Daya had said, but this morning, I was proud to say, that I simply felt much, much worse.

Despite the whole Lucas tried to use me, thing, the victorious moment I had shared over Harvest yesterday had somehow disintegrated into a feeling of foolishness.

I scratched my wrists, before running a hand in my hair only to end back to rubbing my wrists.

Why did a mere kiss on the forehead make me feel more powerful?

I was just an idiot girl who didn't know what the heck I was getting myself into. Daya had been right to some extent.

How was I even going to face Harvest after what I did yesterday?

I didn't know why I was letting myself think to that extent but I simply did not want him to think that I somehow approved of what he had done to me, just by doing it back.

I hoped he had gotten the message I was trying to send but I was quite aware it may have translated to something different like it had done before with Daya.

I turned slightly in bed looking at my pink notebook that I had placed on the pillow beside me. She had thought that the poems that I had written about Harvest were love poems when in fact they were far away from that.

I didn't want him to make the same mistake as what I did last night and think that somehow I liked him.

Memories surrounded my mind, and my breathing lowered-

[if I had kissed you back then- would you have kissed me back?]

I blinked in the dull sunrise feeling an increase in my heart beast as more of his words flooded in.

[ or are you too scared of me to see anything else?]

Anything else? THE SO-CALLED WHAT IF'S? I shook my head scolding myself for being so stupid. 

There were no what if's.

Everything was falling apart and the more I dived into Harvests games, the harder it would be for me to find my way out.