dive into you | jongsang (✓)

- thirteen -

dear jh,

i'm so sorry that i didn't get back to you sooner. i've been so caught up in things that i forgot to send out my last letter (which is also in this envelope, in case you're finding this one first). i could tell from your last letter that you're really hurting, and i wish i could be there for you more to help you through things.

i'm not sure if this will help at all, but i wanted to share some things my therapist has told me can help when you're feeling helpless. first, just take a deep breath. after you've taken this breath, think of all the little things in life that make you happy. it could be a food, a person, maybe even a song or a place. for me, it's always my best friend, or a song that i've been listening to.

another thing you can do when things get hard is go outside and take a walk to recenter yourself. this is my least favorite of all the options, because i SWEAR every time i'm outside, someone tries to talk to me and it sends me into a panic (kind of sad though, because i do love nature). maybe my favorite of all the things i've been told i can do is making a new playlist and listening to it. speaking of, maybe we can exchange some music recommendations sometime!

anyways, the point of me writing this second letter was to make you feel better and bring you some kind of comfort, but i'm not completely sure how to do this through writing. i'm hoping that telling you a story from my childhood will help and maybe put a smile on your face!

when i was really little, around 5 years old maybe, i had one friend who i talked to, but he had just moved and i was really sad and kind of thought it was my fault. every day when i went to daycare, i cried because i no longer had a friend to play with. one day, a teacher noticed and tried to approach me. she probably intended on making me feel better, but i initially saw her as a threat and started screaming when she got close to me. they had to call my mom to pick me up because i simply wouldn't stop screaming.

she didn't give up on me though. she gave me some time, and she didn't fully approach me at all, she'd just sit near me (usually across from me, at a fair distance since i was so scared). one day, she decided to come a little closer, but she brought a "peace offering" sort of thing. it was a little teddy bear. now, the teachers weren't supposed to give us gifts, but she was willing to risk her job to make little me smile. that teddy bear meant (and still means) the entire world to me. i named him mars because he was my friend, and my friend who moved away's name was similar to mars. mars was my play buddy after that day, especially since i couldn't really communicate with the other kids my age.

mars is still an object of immense comfort to me. he was the one who made me smile and laugh when i thought i was incapable of making any friends. it was two years before i made any friends my age, because at that point i had finally learned to write and read. that one teacher changed my life. its the little things like this that give me hope in the world.

i hope that story made you smile, because i'm smiling while writing! anyways, please just remember that you are a wonderful person and you shouldn't let your father's opinions (or anyone else's for that matter) affect your happiness. you are incredible, and you deserve the world.

thank you for always bringing a little bit of happiness to a mute kid who doesn't have a lot of friends with your letters.

you brighten my day.

- kang y.

jongho finished reading the letter and felt a small smile growing on his face at the last phrase. reading kang's letter brought immense comfort to the younger boy, especially on a day like today. he had just gotten yewon to sleep after over an hour of trying to do so, and his father had just left the house for the night, giving him a sense of peace.

the boy held the letter close to his chest and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and beginning to relax.

once he felt ready, he got up and folded up the letter, then put it in his wallet so he always had it with him. then, he walked over to his desk and started to write.

and he wrote and wrote.

he wrote until his eyes felt heavy and he found himself falling asleep at his desk. at this point, he finished up writing and signed it, the put the letter in an envelope and hid the envelope in his desk. he would address and mail it in the morning.

it was incredible how something as simple as a letter was able to bring him so much comfort, and he wanted to do the same for his pen pal.

he just hoped he could.

_________
a/n:
i am so very soft for jongho yep
anywayyyyssss

qotd;;; what is your favorite ateez mv?
mine is either deja vu or illusion :)