1. Stupid friend : Why are you so quiet?
Me : Well nobody plans a murder out loud, do they?!
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2. My basketball coach : When I say a color, run to the left side of the court. When I say a fruit, run to the right.
Class : GOT IT!
Coach : Ready... set... ORANGE!
Class : Uhhh...?
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3. Teacher : Your late!
Me : I am?
Teacher : YOU MISSED AN ENTIRE PERIOD!
Me : IM PREGNANT?!!
____________
4. Me : Meow!
Cat : Meow.
Me : OMG! I SPEAK CAT!
____________
5. Waitress : Would you like a table for three?
Me : No, carpet for a thousand. -.-
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6. Friend : IM BRINGING SEXY BACK!
Me : Dude, your the reason it left in the first place.
___________
7. Me : What seems to be the prob, officer?
Cop : Sir, I know your drunk.
Me : No, I'm not. I swear I'm not Drunk, I'm Timmy Douglas.
Cop : Really? Stop being a smartass.
Me : Naw, I'm not. I'm being human.
Cop : Damn troll.
__________
8. Friend : Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me : Why are you all up in the chicken's business? It's not like the chickens trying to kill you right? So back the fuck out!
Friend : Geez, chill. I only wanted to tell a joke.
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9. English teacher : I am beautiful, what tense is this?
Me : Is this a trick question 'cuz I can't see it being past, future, and definitely not present tense.
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10. Friend : Does this dress make me look fat?
Me : No, of course not. Never.
Friend : Awww!
Me : Only the fat makes you look fat.
Friend : ......well fuck you too.
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I'm bored! That's why I'm updating twice in a row. That's how bored I am. Writing for 20 minutes. So fucking tiring. It sounds like a excuse. I've noticed I've said that I'm bored basically half of the time.
It's probably really annoying for you guys which I totally get because I would get pissed off if somebody kept repeating the same fucking shit. Peace out!
*Brofist*
YOU ARE READING
The World's Funniest Shit
HumorJokes, comebacks, insults, quotes, yo mama's, and other meaningless funny shit. I try to find some you haven't heard before because that's just lame if you've heard the same thing again and again. MUST READ if you don't I can't do anything but still...
