1. Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
2. Success hugs you in private but Failure slaps you in public.
3. Some people just really want a high five, in the face. Really hard. With a chair, made of fucking steel.
4. My room isn't messy, everything's just on display.
5. Every time I find the key to success, someone always changes the damn lock.
6. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
7. My thoughts are more tangled up than my headphones.
8. I tripped over a bra yesterday. It was a boobie trap.
9. I'm here on Instagram because my family's on Facebook.
10. When I say "I'm almost there." It usually means I haven't even left the house.
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The World's Funniest Shit
HumorJokes, comebacks, insults, quotes, yo mama's, and other meaningless funny shit. I try to find some you haven't heard before because that's just lame if you've heard the same thing again and again. MUST READ if you don't I can't do anything but still...
