1. Girlfriend: I love you. I will never leave your side and you are the best boyfriend ever. I can't live without you.
Boyfriend: Awww!
Girlfriend: HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY, BITCH!
*Suggested by jjoeydreams505
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2. Me: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad: I think so, what'd you want me to write?
Me: Your name on this report card.
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3. Stranger: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Stranger: Me
Me: Me, who?
Stranger: Your ex.
Me: Sorry, nobody's home.
__________
4. Mom: I thought I told you to share your toys with your sister.
Me: I am! She plays with the sled going up the hill, while I play with it going down. It's a win, win situation.
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5. Church: Follow Jesus!
Me: Will he follow back?
Church: What?
Me: Hello? Instagram? Follow for follow?
Church: .......
Me: A simple 'no' would've done it. No need to give me the silent treatment.
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6. Me: Dude, did you study for the test?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, me neither.
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7. Teacher: Be prepared for the exams tomorrow!
Me: Sure.
*The Next Day*
Me: I studied and everything. I'm confident!
Teacher: Alright, take out a #2 pencil.
Me: I forgot mine...
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8. Father: I heard you skipped school to play football.
Son: Lies! I have these fishes to prove it.
__________
9. Teacher: Why're you so early today?
Me: Friend told me to go to hell. Here I am!
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10. Random person: You look good today.
Me: Did I look bad yesterday?!
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Aye, what up? I'm back with an update. I have 1K votes in total of all my stories so let's just say, I'm pretty happy. And 17K reads on this is pretty damn awesome. I'm probably really fucking annoying because I point that out every chapter so I'll stop.
In case you didn't know, I'm a gamer. Phone gamer because the only game I play on the computer is Minecraft and nothing else because everything else on the laptop is lame. Not really but I'm to lazy to load it up, download it. It's a pain, long story short.
If any of you bros play a really cool gun game, chance is I've already played it and have it so make sure you add me on those games because I'm a lonely person. Yeah, making friends on the Internet, totally what my parents raised me for.
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The World's Funniest Shit
HumorJokes, comebacks, insults, quotes, yo mama's, and other meaningless funny shit. I try to find some you haven't heard before because that's just lame if you've heard the same thing again and again. MUST READ if you don't I can't do anything but still...
