He Stole My Heart ✅

38 - Comfortable around him

The ride back home is pleasant with Ed Sheeran's Perfect playing in the background and New York City adorned with snow and city lights made a spectacular sight taking me to a faraway la-la land.

Jason cleared his throat a couple of times and that pulled me back from my daze. I turned to look at him. His one hand on the steering and the other scratching the back of his neck, his eyes narrowed together deep in thought.

He turned towards me for a second and again turned back to face the road. He cleared his throat again.

What is wrong with him? Did he want to ask me something or is he coming down with flu or something?

"So you can fight back now?" He asked me casually still eyeing the road.

"Huh?" I asked confused but understood immediately what he was asking about. My cheeks turned warm.

"I could always fight. Remember, all the broken noses you got because of me?" I teased him.

"You mean the way you used to scratch my nose with your fingernails because you were scared of breaking it?" He replied chuckling.

I giggled in response. But, that was so true. All I used to do is scratch him. I grew long sharp nails only for Jason.

We both turned silent lost in our thoughts. I noticed that Jason didn't probe me further for answers and I am grateful for that. Because I don't want to skip my sleep tonight pushing all the bitter memories from my mind.

I just couldn't talk about the abuse or the aftermath to anyone openly till day. Even the specialists had a hard time making me speak.

"You know after coming back from India after... you know. I couldn't sleep at all. The minute I closed my eyes I used to get nightmares. I was so scared to fall asleep because I don't want to experience it all over again. Sometimes I couldn't distinguish between dreams and reality. They seemed so real." I found myself blurting out to Jason.

I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes to keep my tears at bay. My palms turned clammy. I started wiping my palms on my dark-washed jeans. Jason clasped my hand in his and squeezed a little, telling me he is there for me and it's okay.

"So Kristina took me to a lot of doctors, psychiatrists, sleep specialists. But nothing helped. It continued for months. Panic attacks became a regular part of my life." I took a deep breath trying not to choke with emotion.

"Just if someone I'm not comfortable with starts speaking with me or came near me my anxiety used to surge. I used to get afraid of boys or strangers around me... even in school." My voice choked as I spoke with all the bitter memories rolling in front of my eyes, but I felt like I should go on to tell him everything and get it off my chest.

Jason's hold tightened around my arm. "Oh, kitty" he whispered. I noticed that the car is not moving but parked at the side.

"Then Kristina suggested me to take self-defense classes thinking it might reduce my anxiety around people. And that helped me a lot to reduce my anxiety and panic attacks. I slowly started gaining back confidence and even my nightmares started to lessen and over the next few months, I'm back to normal. I get them rarely now but I'm okay." I said giving a small forceful smile.

Jason's hand left mine and wrapped his arm around my shoulders pulling me close, gently rubbing my arm. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the closeness, the warmth his body generated.

I sank into the warmth of his side not wanting to leave. It felt so right with him, and sharing my deep buried thoughts with him made my pain lessen.

But Jason broke the hug and stared into my eyes with a deep gaze, that brought color to my cheeks and butterflies in my stomach. He placed his palm on my chin drawing circles on my cheek with his dumb.