I love you. || Rewriting

1.1|| Hostage.

you can never seem to remember what you were going to say to someone, who means the world to you. Especially when the person's staring at you all pale in the face. That's how I felt. I felt frozen. I feel like i could have said anything to her in that moment. She stopped time when I looked at her. She had powers to stop the world around her when i looked at her.

She looked scared and tired, but in different ways. Her body moved like she didn't have a care in the world, or even noticed me staring at her. The other girls arm around her made me wanna take it off of her and hold her tight, like she'd slip away.

Slip away like smoke in the fog. Never to be seen again.

A vapor.

A hostage of the world.

Her laughter was soft like her touch used to be. Like her voice used to be. Like she used to be. Yet she looked happy and weighed down, like she was given a ball and chain; which would have been the only thing stopping her from being truly happy. It hurts seeing her like this, from across the room. I felt useless. Broken.

I needed her. She needed me. When you looked over at me I felt it again. Something i haven't felt for a long time now. You made me feel again. I forgot what that felt like.

Nothing hurts when I'm alone.

When you're with me and we're alone

~

"Billie?" Lena asked on the other side of the door still knocking occasionally, till she finally got an answer.

She snapped out of the trance she as in and looked down at her hands. Billie was holding a tattered book, with lines scratched out. With dread forming a pit in her stomach, she got off the bed to unlock the bedroom door. Lena heard the lock click and had a faint smile on her face, and flung her arms around Billie when the door was open enough. Felling her girlfriend not hug her back, she pulled away.

"You had me worried baby... what's wrong?" She asked, smiling faintly at her, hoping to get some reaction or answer out of her.

"Nothing... it's nothing, Lena." Billie walked away from the doorway and sat on her bed, stuffing the book under her pillow.

"I can tell when you're lying to me. Why would you even try that with me?" Following her close behind, Lena walked to the foot of her bed, crossing her arms watching Billie refuse to look at her.

"I uhm..." She froze trying to rile up courage to directly look into her eyes. She fumbled with her hands and just looked up in her eyes taking a deep breath. "I can't be with you, Lena." Her words spit out of her mouth effortlessly which even she was stunned by.

"What." her body became weak the feeling of her knees about to give out underneath her weight after hearing those words. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't think we fit together anymore, that's all." Billie whined and picked the skin around her nails. "I'm sorry but i can't be with you... it doesn't feel right anymore." Glancing up at her she saw Lena's eyes well up in tears and fear.

"What did I do. Tell me and I can fix it, I promise!" She came closer to her, now sitting on her bed. Lena held both of Billie's hand's, almost pleading for a better reason.

"You didn't do anything okay? Don't beat yourself up thinking you did." She stated, pulling her hands away from the blond. She sighed standing up with her, holding the now crying girl in her arms, one last time. "You deserve better."

Lena wrapped her hands around Billie's waist felling her breath shake every-time she breathed inward. She felt tears stain her cheek while her makeup came off with it. Billie removed her hands and watched her tears streak her foundation.

Lena sniffled, wiping her face with her palms. "I should go..." She quickly escaped her room without either of them looking at each other.

She heard the front door shut shortly after she left her room and Billie threw her body down on her bed staring at the ceiling. The faint music playing from her T.V. was the only thing she could focus on at that moment, also keeping her sane. She closed her eyes for a minute, the only thing she could see was Daliah. it's always her, or her face on other people. She gripped a pillow and threw it across the room grunting, sitting up finally, she let out a yell. After a while s he gripped her hair and threw her body back down on the bed groaning into the bed kicking her legs against the bed.

I always saw you at the worst of times. When I'd look at any girl who would resemble you, I'd see you. I'd hear you even in my dreams, even in my nightmares, it's like you had a death grip on my mind. I didn't mind it though. I liked seeing you, no matter what condition it was under, nightmare or not. I just missed you.

She calmed down and rolled onto her back, putting her arm over her face. Almost with a cue her phone buzzed and she sighed not wanting to look at the screen. She waited till the second notification dinged in after two minutes and sat up looking at it reading the name above the message. That moment Billie felt her heart sank to her stomach.

213-486-2187 : "She doesn't know you anymore. Is it really worth it?"