𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 (billie eilish)

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭 / 𝐏𝐎𝐕 

"Charlie. Shut the fuck up and get in the car" She looks me dead in the eyes and I really wish I was dead.

I didn't think it was possible to feel so much physical pain with just a few words. 

She keeps the passenger door open for me to enter and avoids meeting my eyes. I can tell how angry and hurt she is. I have no idea what Drew told her, but it's bad.

I get in the car and she slams the door shut. Every cell in my body feels it. I'm afraid... That she will hate me forever.

"Billie, I-" I start to speak but she cuts me off. 

"Please, don't talk" Her tone is harsh. She starts the engine and speeds up. She's mad driving. I feel so shitty. I get an urge to cry so badly but I know it won't help, nor me or her. 

She sped home. Everyone is at the party and the house is alone... When she turns off the engine the silence fills the space and makes me shudder.

"Get in the house" She whispers defeated.  I do as she says, I walk behind her inside the house. 

She leaves her keys on the kitchen counter and leans with both her hands. I wanna hold her tightly. 

"Please, tell me that is not true," She says a few seconds later, her voice cracks at the end. I stand behind her, holding myself. 

"Billie, I-" She cuts me off again. 

"Fuck, Charlie!" She hits the counter and turns to look me straight in the eyes. I jump and close my eyes with the loud sounds. "Stop with that 'Billie' bullshit and tell me the fucking truth..." She yells and comes closer to me.

"Just stop, okay? Stop faking, I know all the truth. You can stop now... I  just wanna hear it from you..." She whispers next to me and I can't help but look down. I feel so ashamed to meet her eyes.

"I never meant to hurt you" I whisper, tears threatening to fall. 

She shakes her head, "I can't even believe this shit". Her voice is tinted with hurt. "I had to find out from my best friend... How long were you going to keep up with this shit? Huh? What do you want from me?"  I can see that she is trying really hard not to break into tears now. 

My whole body is paralyzed. I stand before her and all I can do is be ashamed of myself, even when I know this is not remotely true. All I have to do is keep her away from me. For her, I have to do this, I have to make her hate me if is necessary. 

I can lose her as a friend, even as the love of my life, but I can't afford to lose her, for real.

"Is not what you think, Billie. I swear..." My voice is shaky and my whole body is too. I can tell that there is a little tic in her eye that bothers her, but she tries to hide it. Billie turns around and clutches her head with both hands. 

I know how difficult it must be to be in her position, feeling betrayed, used... I think I have an idea of what Drew might have told her. I don't even let myself think about how much I hate her right now. 

I just have to worry about Billie.

"What is it then, Charlie? What am I to you?" She looks me in the eyes and I see tears falling down her cheeks. She doesn't let her voice be overshadowed by sadness.

"Please, baby. Don't cry" I say those words before realizing it, and I approached her to calm her but she step back and looks at me with hurtful eyes.