Deaf Wish

Chapter 17

"Uhm, the pictures in the hallway. You were pretty adorable." Trying to hold eye contact as the black haired boy smirked at my statement. "Were? Or still are?" Shit! Why did I even mention it? "Are- I mean... kinda- don't take this... you know.. uhm", he looked at me softly as I still stumbled over my own words, driving deeper and deeper into the trap. I'm talking about compliments, usually I don't compliment people so I'm even more confused about my actions. "Thank you.", he smiled at me yet again.

Nobody dared to say anything afterward, as we ate the pizza that had successfully cooled down during our awkward conversation, well, more like a one-sided-awkward conversation. But every once in a while, his eyes darted over to me, before sliding past me towards the rats. I wanted to say something. Anything! I couldn't even take him being all quiet. I want him to talk to me, it doesn't even matter it it's awkward. Or one-sided! But just like him, I stay silent, eating the last few slices and drinking half of the bottle, placing it next to the empty plate. I watch the rats again, their little commotion had ended in a little slumber.

An arm reached behind me, of course, a body following. Nathan leaned over me, his eyes jumping from mine to the cage he opened. "Uhm...", I don't even continue to speak as he sits back down, the two white rats snuggling up in the palm of his hands. "You can take the black one, she won't bite.", finally! His usual smile slowly crept back on his face, automatically lighting it up. I couldn't help but return it, feeling a wave of comfort rushing through my body.

Nodding, I turn to the small animal leaning out of the open cage, placing her on my hand before turning back around to see Nathan lying on the floor, the two rats running over his chest. "Do they have names?", I ask while stroking the petite black head. "No, I'm not too fond of names. But feel free to name them, they're all girls.", seriously? How can you not name your pets?

I watch Nathan, his eyes closed, limbs stretched out and chest slowly rising and falling. The two girls were sitting on his stomach sniffing underneath his shirt. "Are you tired?", no idea why I'm asking so many questions (two are not many, idiot!). His head moved up and down. "I'm not all too used to dealing with someone who faints out of the blue. But I did enjoy my day.", his lips curl up to a smile, so do mine. "Well, I'm glad you did. And thank you again. For everything."

"What if I'd ask you to hug me again?", his eyes were still closed as he asked. I'm kinda confused about his question, what is he trying to say with that? "Uhm, I don't know why?", his head turns a little to the left, like he's sleeping or something. "Like, if I let you decide whether I hug you or touch you in general, would you always decline?"

Nobody ever let me decide, not even all those girls at my school who all wanted my number. They would just rub my back or pet my head or whatever else. Why is he asking me? "Well, I guess it depends.", his eyes open at my answer, first glued to the ceiling, before flying over to me. "So, would you let me hug you now?", this boy is confusing me so badly right now. No one ever asked me for permission and now? Maybe he really is different than all the other people out there, maybe I can even trust him a little. "Why are you asking me this?" He sits up a little, resting on his left elbow.

"Like I said before, I like you.", picking up the rats from his lap, he looks at them: "I think you're even cuter than my three girls!" My face burns of embarrassment, not quite sure how to respond to this. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think I can deal with people like you. Sorry.", I lower my gaze, not wanting to see his reaction as tears start to escape, running down my cheeks.

Oh please, just leave me alone! I could feel him touching my head, pushing the rat to the side. He lifts up my chin, locking eyes with me. "Hey, don't cry. It's okay. I can leave you alone, whenever you feel cornered, but don't push me away completely! You need to learn how to deal with other people. And I'm not talking about Claire!"

I know that what he said is true, but I still don't like the idea of having to hang around him or other people. Why can't I just live my life like I want to? Why do strangers always have to destroy everything? Okay, comparing him to THEM isn't really fair, he did nothing like they did. "I know...", is the only thing I'm capable to say, memories of that time yet again flash before me. He's not like this! He just can't!

"I'm sorry, but I think I have to leave now.", I quickly get up, putting the rat back into the cage reluctantly, but as I turn back around, I see Nathan blocking the way out of his room. "Why are you running away from me?", he looks confused, but somehow also amused about this, making me feel insecure again. "I'm not running, just...", my heart beats faster, pounding against my chest, as I start to slightly hyperventilate. I try to push him out of the way, but he doesn't move an inch. "Please, just let me go home!", I'm getting more and more panicked, afraid that he would do the same things those guys did.

"I'm not going to hurt you, so tell me what you are so scared of.", panic and anger mix inside me, making my vision blurry as I yell at him: "I'm sick of people wanting to know everything about me! Leave me alone!" His eyes scrutinize me one more time before stepping out of the way. "But my bag is-" "I'll get it for you, just never talk to me again!", I cut him off, pacing out of his room, down the hallway and down the stairs.