Deaf Wish

Chapter 19

After a half an hour of reading through the stuff she had written down, I rest my head on the cold surface of my desk. What should I do now? Maybe I should check if Claire is still here, but what should I talk to her about? I don't want her to remind me of him. But I guess I'm pretty good at doing that myself, because my thoughts constantly fly over to the boy sitting in his room, seven houses down the street, probably cuddling with the three girls and thinking about what an idiot I am. That seems accurate. But maybe, just maybe, he's also sitting at his desk, looking through the notes of that girl, trying to get his mind off of what had happened today...

Well, I highly doubt that, but...

The door to my room opens and my mother enters, she must have returned from home, looking exhausted like she always does. "Hey baby, I'm so sorry I couldn't pick you up from school, but I was in the middle of meeting when Claire had called me. I know that's a really bad excuse and I also know that I'm currently failing as a mother but please don't be mad at me. I'll make it up to you, okay?", she kneels down in front of me, steadying herself on my legs as I smile back at her.

"I'm not mad, I mean, Nathan took care of me, so I'm fine now.", mentioning his name stings in my heart, no idea why. "That's right, Claire had told me about him, isn't he the new neighbor's son?", I simply nod to answer question. "Maybe we should invite him over for dinner, not today of course, but he really helped you out. You should invite him." And with that, my mother got up and left, without saying anything else.

Great, so now I'm supposed to invite him over for dinner? This can't get any better!

I kept spinning in my chair, wondering about tomorrow and the following days. Feeling too afraid to ever face Nathan again. Why can't he just move back to where ever he came from? The thought of him leaving though, made me feel weird.I drop my exploding head on the desk, too many things were pacing through my brain, ending in a nasty headache. Maybe I should just goto bed (and never wake up), since I'm not feeling hungry at all, might as well catch up on some sleep. Hopefully, I'll actually sleep this time.

The morning came way too fast, the sun's unpleasant heat rising the temperature in my room. This time I'm almost certain about my lack of sleep, I chatted in an anonymous chat room through out most of the night after all. And yes indeed, I am very tired and regretting that choice of action, but it's not like I would have slept even if I tried. Thoughts about Nathan keep me awake, feeling embarrassed every time I remembered yesterday, the words I threw at him, the way he looked at me and how I ran outside like I was being chased by the devil himself. Every little detail of that day made my stomach twist and my heart pound. I wanted to apologize but the guilt pushed that thought deeper inside my brain.

Why am I behaving like this?

Both my phone and watch were charging over night, now, ready for usage. I really hope Claire is feeling better, so she'll be able go to school today. But come to think of it, wasn't she here yesterday? Even though she was sick? The guilt grows, making me feel even more uncomfortable. I treated her like shit to be honest, so I should definitely apologize to her first and after that...

The door to my room gets violently opened as my sister bursts in with a furious look on her face, still wearing her pajamas. "Time to talk, brother! The way you've been behaving the last few days is ridiculous! You come running inside, crying like something terrible had happened and don't even think for a second. Do you even know how scared I was? I was literally assuming the worst! You could have at least said something!", her eyes flash in anger at my confused and puzzled expression, while she continued her rant "Claire was pretty damn sick yesterday, but she still drove over here as soon as she heard about it, to check on you and the only thing you do, is run away and leave us standing there like idiots! Look, I don't know what's going on between you and that new kid, but you better fix it. And it better be real damn fast!" Alex turned around and stomped out, slamming the door behind her.

Great! Now I'm feeling even more awful, thanks! And I don't even want to go to school today, maybe I should skip...

In the end, I didn't have much of a choice, thanks to my little sisters speech this morning There was just no other way out of it, other than apologizing to both of them. Today! Well, I'm already in front of the school building, my mother sitting in the front, waiting for me to finally get out of the car. Alex is already on her way inside, chatting with a guy from her class, not even bothering to wait for me. Sighing, I get out and wave my mom good bye, as she leaves the parking lot, heading to her office.

I haven't seen Claire so far, neither did I see Nathan, but I'm not quite sure if I should be happy about that or not. I still want to apologize after all. Sitting in the class room, waiting for the first period to start, I stop to think about what I should say, I mean, I can't just say sorry then turn around and leave, I need some sort of strategy. A battle plan!