little miss black

-121-

Cass fell back into the routine of school, the workload of N.E.W.Ts starting to increase drastically, meaning she was easily able to ignore the fact that she had kissed Noah... again. January melted into February, and Cass was slowly, slowly, accepting the fact that she was allowed to be happy, to love and to be loved. She wasn't sure what sparked her healing process, but whatever it was she was thankful for. She just wasn't ready to face Noah, not quite yet. From December to mid-January, Cass had been playing a very good game of pretend, pretending she was fine, like two months of torture had not had a detrimental effect on her mental health.

McGonagall had been there for her, like she always seemed to be, and listened whilst Cass spoke, or sobbed or screamed. Cass knew that maybe she should seek professional help, but old habits die hard and she wasn't quite ready to admit that Avery had had such a great effect on her — even though, let's be honest, he had, but it would have a great effect on anyone.

Cass was walking back from her weekly catch up with McGonagall when she saw Noah. She completely froze. Okay, maybe she hadn't properly spoken to Noah since she'd kissed him, and maybe she should have, but she was wasted the first time and practically delirious the second, and although she liked, no loved, it, she didn't want to give Noah the wrong idea.

Noah's hair was falling into his eyes as he walked towards her, his eyes on the floor. Cass realised that Noah looked different — thinner, sadder. She hoped that it wasn't to do with her but something told her that it might. After all, Noah loved her, and Cass had avoided him like the plague for the best part of a month.

"Hey." Cass said softly. Noah looked up, a brief smile flitting over his face before his eyes hardened.

"Hi." He said, very quietly.

"Um how are you?" Cass said, wondering what she could say to diffuse the obvious tension between them.

"I've been better." He said shortly.

"Have you—"

"Look Cass, what do you want? If you're going to come and kiss me again and then not talk to be for weeks I'd rather you didn't." Noah sounded so defeated that Cass winced.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I shouldn't have kissed you—"

"The first time or the second time?" Noah said. He didn't sound angry exactly, more weary and sad.

"Either, it wasn't fair on you." Cass said. "I said we were done and I should have stuck by that."

Noah's shoulders slumped and he looked back down at the floor.

"Yeah." He said. "You should have."

"I'm sorry." Cass said desperately.

"You said it was over, and I accepted that, but you just kept pulling me back Cass. With your hair and your eyes and your smile." Noah sounded close to tears as he took a few shaky breaths. "I can't get over you, I wish I could but I can't. I know you want me to."

"Who said I wanted you to?" Cass said softly, reaching out to take his hand. Noah shook his head, taking a step backward.

"Don't." He said. "Don't say that if you don't mean it."

"I do mean it." Cass said. "I— I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be with you."