Controlled

Regret

I won't leave until he kills me, I love him, Victor heard her say through the camera. His heart broke into a million pieces.

He didn't understand how could she love him after all that. She was supposed to hate him and run away from him.

Yet she decided to let him kill her instead of leaving.

"Why Carina why? Why do you still love me?!" he shouted as he threw his phone on the ground.

Victor regretted everything he did. He had feelings for her. He loved her. Yet he hurt her so much.

And she still chose to die instead of going away.

Victor broke down and fell onto his knees, his head in his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't react.

"Victor" Felix called out. He turned around and hugged him tight.

"She loves me. She fucking loves me! How can she love someone like me?" he cried onto Felix's chest.

"I told you she wasn't one to pull into your world" Dylan said. That caused him to receive a glare from Felix.

Dylan sighed. He realized Victor didn't need blaming right now. He needed support.

"Okay fine, I'm not mad at you. Now relax" he said, trying to show some sort of support to Victor.

Felix made Victor sit on the couch. "She loves you?" he asked and Victor nodded. "You love her?" he asked.

Without thinking, Victor nodded his head. There was no doubt in the fact he loved her. Felix sighed.

"You know she'll fear you now right. She wouldn't want you anywhere beside her" Felix said.

"But she just said she'd r-rather die than l-leave me" Victor stuttered.

"But that doesn't mean she'll not fear you. Not leaving you could just mean that she needs to know that you're there whenever she needs to see you. It doesn't mean she'll always want to cuddle or snuggle up to you" Dylan said.

Victor agreed with Dylan's words. "What do I do?" he asked them both.

"You can't do anything Victor. You've hurt her too much this time" Felix said.

"What have I done?" Victor sobbed out putting his head back into his hands.

Felix rubbed his back trying to help him in some way as Dylan just stared.

"Why am I like this? Why do I always cause pain to people I love? I'm a monster" Victor cried harder.

That made both Dylan and Felix's heart clench. They knew why Victor was like this. And they hated that he blamed himself.

"It wasn't your fault" Dylan said as he crouched near Victor's feet putting a hand on his knee.

Both Dylan and Felix had tried to take Victor to therapy. But he refused saying that people like him deserve to suffer.

Which wasn't true at all. But they decided not to force him. "Liar, you blamed me for it too" Victor said.

Yes, they had blamed him for the incident.

But after seeing how Victor was coping with it, Dylan and Felix could not, for the love of their life, accuse him anymore.

"And even if that wasn't my fault, what I did with Carina IS definitely on me" Victor spoke again.

They wanted this to happen. They wanted Victor to break so much that he would take the help.

But now this was hurting them. Seeing Victor break like this all over again wasn't something Dylan or Felix were wishing to see.

Felix decided to change the topic.

"Nathan's better. He hasn't got any bone injuries. Just a small infection that's supposed to go away in 2-3 days" he said.

Victor stopped his tears and wiped his face. He knew what Felix was doing. But he didn't want to feel good.

"I'm gonna go to my room now" Victor said getting up. Dylan caught on to what Victor was about to do.

Victor wanted to punish himself for what he had done. That was exactly what Dylan and Felix didn't want.

If he punished himself, his guilt would go away and he wouldn't ask for help.

"Swear on Vi" Dylan said, stopping Victor in his tracks.

"Swear on Violet that you won't punish yourself and we'll let you go" Dylan said as Felix stood up.

Victor looked at him with eyes that said 'Don't do this to me'. Eyes that almost begged Dylan to take back his words.

"Say it and you can go" Felix said now coming to stand beside Dylan. "Felix, Dylan...." Victor started but was cut off.

"Swear on her Victor or we're staying with you until you do" Dylan said.

Victor didn't say anything and started to walk away. But he felt the presence of the two behind him.

"Just leave me alone!" he shouted at them. They gave no reaction and just followed him.

Victor needed them to leave. He didn't like feeling vulnerable in front of others. And right now, he wanted to cry.

Victor tried locking the door as soon as he got inside. But unfortunately for him, Dylan had a spare key.

"Just go!" he said sitting on his bed. Dylan and Felix settled on Victor's bed and opened the laptop Felix had with him.

"So what movie do you wanna watch?" Felix asked Dylan. "Hmm, how about.... Jurassic Park?" Dylan suggested.

"You know you're torturing me right?" Victor asked. "Isn't that what you're about to do to yourself too?" Felix asked.

Victor sighed realizing they weren't going to leave. "Fine. I swear" Victor said. "Swear what?" Dylan asked.

"I swear that I won't punish myself" he said. "Swear on?" Dylan asked again, leaving no escape for Victor.

"I swear on Violet that I won't punish myself" Victor said glaring at his two friends angrily.

Without saying a word, both Felix and Dylan left the room. Victor sighed. He wanted to punish himself so bad but now he couldn't.

"Fucking assholes" Victor cursed his two friends. He didn't even have his phone as he broke it.

Victor gave up and lied down on his bed. His mind went back to everything he had done.

He remembered the blood coming out of her nipples when he pulled the clamps.

He realized at that moment that these were sensitive spots on her body. He realized how much it must have hurt her.

And yet she took it. She took it because she loved him. That is why he removed the third clamp gently.

"I'm sorry Carina. I'm so sorry" he muttered as he closed his eyes.

A single tear fell off his cheek and onto his pillow before Victor drifted off.