Please Don't Go (Dream x Reader)

Chapter 44

⚠️TW: Mentions of Suicide. SH. ED Heavy Materials.
Don't read this if your having those thoughts. This chapter doesn't effect much of the story; it just shows how Clay is doing. Your Mental Health is more important. Please remember that. ⚠️

~3rd Person~

"I can't do this anymore." Clay whispered into the air of his dusty room. "I just can't."

The boy sat up in the stiff green sheets. His whole body felt sticky and clammy, but that was caused by his sweat, which happened to be caused by his reoccurring nightmares.

Unfortunately, he didn't have Nick or George there to help him though it. George flew back to the UK, whilst Nick drove back to his hometown in Texas.

Clay was alone.

The first few days after the others left, Clays mind became poisoned by degrading thoughts.

Clay lived with these thoughts for the next few months, before they actually began hurting him.

"Pathetic!" They screamed. But Clay continued to walk around with a smile on his face and an amiable personality. But this was just an escape for hiding his actual feelings.

That was a horrible decision.

They became worse.

The voices used to only be in his head, but you know how much it hurts when he found himself whispering them out loud.

Clay ran a hand through his damp, messy hair.

"Kill Yourself."

It was scary how quick his brain was to say that. Even Clay was surprised at his own words.

'Are my words true?' He thought. His heart knew they weren't, but when his brain telling him they were, it was more convincing.

It was hard to tell the difference. Between what was real and what was fake.

Clay tossed the sheets off of him and got up to use the bathroom.

The mirror stared at him. Well... that's what he thought.

Clay stared back. The man in the mirror looked so differently.

Permanent looking eye bags, dry and chapped lips, sunken shoulders, matted hair, stained shirt and unnaturally dark green eyes. It wasn't the Clay that so many people looked up to. It wasn't the Clay that was always smiling and having fun with his friends.

This was a new Clay.

Clay sighed; taking whatever remaining light out in his eyes.

The male rubbed his eyes and stumbled back to his was living; his bed.

Clay grabbed his phone, seeing a text from both Nick and George. He clicked on it even though he already knew what it said.

It said; 'Good Morning! :D'

Just like the many before it. Clay never responded to those. But the read receipts were all George and Nick needed to know that Clay was still alive.

"They don't care. They never have."

There they were again. Always lurking. Always giving their corrupted and unwanted inputs. Though Clay listened.

"Maybe if I just kill myself, I won't ruin other peoples lives, like I've ruined their's and Y/n's"

Clay had done some research about what he was feeling. Depression had to be a given. Anxiety was something the male grew up with, fortunately he knew how to handle it.

He did find something rather interesting, 'Smiling Depression.'

Smiling Depression; appearing happy on the outside, but suffering from depressive symptoms internally.

Though his heart believed this is what he had, the voices said something different.

"You don't have depression. You're fine. You are just overreacting, get over it."

But he had to do something. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to open up about it to someone. So he opened up his notes app and began writing. Feelings, thoughts, symptoms, his whole situation.

At first, it felt good to write it all down. But the thought of no one seeing it, no one knowing what's going on underneath, broke him.

"It's not like it's real. You are fine."

Tears began, just like they did every night.

Clay yawned as he got up. It was around three in the afternoon, but all he wanted to do was sleep. Knowing he couldn't do that, he began to scroll through social media, hoping to keep his mind occupied.

His phone buzzed and a message was shown. "Have you eaten anything today?" It was Nick.

Nick and George have been trying their best to make sure their best friend was okay, but being thousands of miles away, made it difficult for the two.

Clay sighed, and slowly typed out a response, "Yeah, thanks."

It was a total lie, and Nick knew it too.

Luckily though, he knew Clay's address, and every so often he would order food for him. Today was one of those days.

Clay got up for the third time that day. Well... the persistent knock kind of made him get off his wrinkled sheets.

"Order for Clay?" The man behind the door spoke. Clay nodded and took the food from his hands and respectfully shut the door in the man's face.

Clay lazily walked to the kitchen and threw the bag of food on the breakfast bar. Clay sat down with his head in his hands, staring at the flimsy plastic that held his food.

Clay wasn't going to eat it, but his curiosity wanted to know what Nick got him.

So he opened the bag and took out a styrofoam container. He carefully opened the box to see what it was.

It was pile of fries (or chips 4 u British o7) with sweet pulled pork, piled with sour cream, cilantro, tomatoes and green onions. Not to mention the melted cheesy queso.

(Bro I've had this before. Top tier. And I'm sorry I prolly made a few of you hungry...my bad. Hey you! Go eat!)

Clay would be lying if his mouth wasn't watering. As if on cue, his stomach growled at the sight of the steaming food.

Clay laughed. It wasn't a completely real one, but it was a laugh, nonetheless.

This was his first real meal in a while. He usually would snack on some chips (crisps for y'all Britishers o7) or whatever he could find in his near–empty pantry. But most of the time, he didn't eat anything.

Clay smiled and dug into the greasy food. He was doing better. Well, not until his finished.

"You really ate all that? That's gross, you're going to get fat. You don't deserve food."

Clay frowned at the empty platter. The voices were getting to him. And just like always, he listened to them.

So Clay walked to the bathroom.

Hey guys. This is a very personal chapter to me, so respect it. (Y'all are already very respectful, thanks!)
I want you to know how much you are loved, how much I love you. Keep thriving on that sliver of hope, it will be the best decision of your life. You guys got this. I believe in all of you.

Love, Athrii <3