i see you

Pancakes ans waffles

Noah:
We moved back two days ago. Lia went to the doctor today just to get clearance, she said it would take only 10 minutes so I didn't have too come. Trust me I wanted too but I think she knows that it would break me a little.

It's been two hours though, no word. I texted her 10 minutes ago and she hasn't replied yet. It might be nothing, it might be work, it might be something. If Adonis hasn't called and panicked yet then I won't either.

It's gonna suck that he's working in Italy. I'm
Actually gonna miss him. Never telling him that you know he'll only get cocky and I'm not contributing too that.

I had a meeting with the team yesterday, I'm so excited too be back at work. Skating, I know Lia must be too. She's missed it a lot. Especially the competitive type. She says there's not a lot that can top a good competition.

So I'm actually happy that she'll be back, I do think she needs this. I also miss seeing her in a rink, there's something about her smile as soon as she enters the building. Well not when she knew she would have a bad practice with Mr idiot coach. But when the two of us just went alone. She loved that.

My phone buzzes, she finally answered. She want too meet up at a cafe. Well I guess it's lunch time.

-
I get too a 60's inspired cafe/restaurant with boots and light blind and red interior. It's cute, she's hiding in a booth with a big milkshake looking stressed or nervous. It's actually scaring me a bit!

"Hey what's going on?" I ask as I slide down into the boot opposite of her.

"Hey, no, nothing just some things. What are you eating?" Avoiding subject.

"Did it go well?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking pancakes with butter and syrup"

"You told me yesterday too stop you from eating such things. You said something about getting into a 'healthy practice diet' with less sugar." She gulps

"Well no diet, I changed my mind" and she goes back and forth on the menu.

"Okay, why is that? Not that I'm complaining at all, just that you were so passionate about it yesterday-"

"Can we order our food please!" Well something didn't go right that's for sure.

"Sorry, I'm sorry I snapped. Can we just order and then we can talk about it okay." I nod

She ordered waffles with bacon and butter. I ordered pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream.

"So?"

"Uhm, I have to get the abortion for medical reasons. And I can't continue with figure skating if I want kids in the future because of how unhealthy low my body fat is. Apparently I can't get past the first trimester at the percentage I'm at now. So I can't have this child and if I want to have a child I have too quit and increase my body fat with 6% in the next 6 months which is apparently also super hard. So there is a chance I might not even be able too do that." I don't think I heard a thing of what she said.

What the fuck! Is the universe against us or what? What the fuck! What the actual fucking fuck?

"Wait, wait what?"

"Yea so if we want our two year plan then I need to quit now and start upping my fat"

"Can we delay our two year plan so you compete for a year and then you quit?"

"No, apparently my body is already too infertile for that." Infertile... that one word just broke my heart.

The waiter puts our food down and she stares at it.

"So I just called and quit, I'm doing the abortion tomorrow but I'm quitting skating now and start the new diet and work out shit next week" I could hear her voice break. This is not what she wants. Well I think she really wants a family it's just unfair that she has too give up her life for it.

I know I was an ass about exactly that a couple days ago. But I've gotten son perspective on things. I realize that I did some wrongs and we've worked through that. But this is not fair for her, not at all. I really fucking wish I was there during the appointment.

"Are you sure that this is what you want too do?"

"It's the only way Noah and you know it."

"I don't want you too do this because you feel like it's the only options, there are other options to get a child"

"I know but it's not the same" for just a second she looks me in the eye with tears. She quickly looked away and when she looked back it was gone.

I feel like shit, everything is falling on her as usual. But this is really one thing and one feeling that I can never understand and i really want too just give her a hug and tell her it'll be fine. But she just decided too give up what she loves the most and she didn't really do it because she wanted to. But because it's either that or a family.

"I'm sorry" I say

"Don't be it's not your fault" she gives one of those smiles. Where she's telling me that she can't talk about it more or she'll break down.

I feel helpless, I don't know what too do. There's nothing really I can do. Nothing I do or say will help.

We continue eating and small talking, but mostly it's just silence. I can also see on her face that she really don't want too eat those waffles. Because as soon as she does it means it's real.

I need too do something, something to get her mind off of things. I mean proposing would be something but no. Not that. That needs too happen when she's happier.

Maybe a get away I don't know. My preseason is just starting, duck all of this is really coming in the wrong time. What should I do?

A/N

A tough one, it's tough. What should one do in this situation?

Word count: 1047