Homecoming - Paul Lahote

Chapter 60: Overreacting

      "Paul, we have been home for three days and you have barely let her get out of your sight", I looked at my boyfriend who was sitting on the rocking chair in Olivia's room again. He has been sitting in here every time she is asleep and when he comes downstairs with me, he brings her down and holds her as she sleeps. 

      "I just don't want to leave her, she's our baby. I can't let anything happen to her", he gave me his tired eyes and reached out to grab my waist. He brought me down so that I was sitting on his lap, which I haven't let him do since before I had her. I think he felt how tense I was because he whispered, "Are you alright, you seem really nervous right now". I just sat there and took a breath so that I wouldn't put my fears into the air, like it would make them nonexistent. 

      "Yeah I'm fine", I lied as I let myself relax a tiny bit. I felt his hands move so that they were resting on my stomach and I shot up accidentally, "Let's go downstairs and let her rest. We'll even bring the baby monitor so we can both hear her". He thought about it and then nodded in agreement with me, he got out of the rocking chair and I pulled him out of the room. I held his hand as we walked down the stairs and into the kitchen so that I could make him some lunch. I leaned into the fridge and grabbed a lasagna that Emily dropped off yesterday. I piled a chunk of it onto a plate for him, putting it in the microwave so it could heat up as he came up behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist with his hands resting on my stomach as his head leaned on my shoulder. 

      I shuddered at his touch on my stomach, not meaning to, making him pull away from me, "You have to tell me what is going on baby. Every time I touch you, you try to get out of it and you just shuddered like you were scared". I sighed and turned around, but I still didn't look at him. I just looked down at my sock covered feet as I sighed again. 

      "I'm not scared of you touching me, I love when you touch me", he looked at me even more confused now. 

      "So explain what is going on baby. I can't help if I don't know", he took the plate out of the microwave and took it to sit down at the counter while still looking at me. I put the foil back over the tray of lasagna and put it into the fridge before I tried to lie again. 

      "I'm okay, Paul, really. ", he dropped his fork on his plate quietly and brought his hands out in front of him so that one was folded inside of the other. 

      "Cammy, we've been together for a year. We have a baby together and we are soulmates for Gods sake. I know that you're not okay right now, please just tell me what is wrong so that I can help you", he raised his voice and then lowered it again at the end of his talk. 

      "I'm afraid", was all I could manage to get out while hoping that he would just give it up. I looked up at him for a second, it was enough time to see his worried eyes looking at me. "My body isn't the same that it was before I had Olivia, what if you don't like it anymore". I kept staring at my feet, counting the tiles in front of me to try and keep myself from crying. 

      I was at 10 when Paul's feet got in the way, I still didn't look up at him though. I just took deep breaths while blinking back the tears, but his hands came to each side of my face and lifted it up so that he could see me. My eyes fixated on his shirt now, trying to avoid him seeing me cry, "Cammy, baby, please look at me". I blinked back more tears before being able to look at him, "There are those pretty eyes. Now, can you please tell me why you think I wouldn't like you anymore". 

      I felt my throat tighten a little as more tears came but I ignored them this time, letting my eyes dart from his so that I could gather my thoughts. "My body isn't the same anymore. I gained weight and I have stretch marks that I didn't have before. I don't want you to see me like this and not want me the same way that you did 10 months ago". I felt the tears start to fall but I just ignored them as I looked in his eyes, they are still the same beautiful brown that I fell in love with, but now they seemed sad.