Peace [HS AU]

11. Camryn

"So you just decided to push him away?" Moira asked and I could tell she was disappointed.

"You know why, it's too much. Besides it's not I blatantly told him. We woke up and he apologized for falling asleep on me and he just left and I just haven't seen him since. I pretended I wasn't home when he knocked on my door last night and I waited until I heard him leave down the stairs before I left."

I had a feeling Harry regretted falling asleep with me. I mean with how fast he ran out when we woke up, how could he not regret it?

"Camryn, I think you're making a mistake, a big one. He seems to really care about you and I just don't want you to throw away something or someone that you have grown to care about. You don't have to be alone all the time, you don't have to push people away."

I sighed wiping the tears from my eyes. "It's just easier than being a disappointment."

"Who says you're a disappointment? Your family and old friends from Louisiana who you don't talk to? They aren't in your life anymore because you got rid of them, which is great. But not everyone you meet here is going to think that about you because you aren't one. But you won't feel any differently until you believe that you are enough."

"I don't know how to believe that when no one has ever made me feel like I'm enough."

"You have to start telling yourself and making yourself enough for you, or you will be miserable for a long time. We'll pick this up next week, you are enough."

Making my way out of the office I ran into someone and looked up to see David.

"Are you done?" He asked looking back at the room I came from. I nodded and he smiled. "Good, I want food, maybe a milkshake. C'mon."

He gave me no choice as he looped his arm through mine and dragged me away from the building.

"Rough session? You've been crying. I get those too," he smiled sweetly squeezing my arm. "Milkshakes at Diane's Dinner cure everything. She's American so you can guarantee good greasy and fattening food. It brings me home," he sighed reminiscently making me laugh. "Although, I'm Canadian but that's just a minor detail. I've spent enough time in the US."

I didn't say much on the rest of the walk and David took the liberty of ordering our food for us and paying too. I wasn't expecting it but I was appreciative, I guess.

"Have you been ignoring Harry?" He asked looking at me and folding his hands on the table.

"What?" I asked feeling myself turn and hot. I felt caught.

"He said you didn't answer your door yesterday and he knew you were home, he heard you come in. He thinks he overstepped by falling asleep on you and that he ruined your friendship."

"Oh, um he didn't. We're still friends." Although I am trying to create distance.

"Maybe you should tell him that. It's a bit bull though if you ask me. You obviously like each other and he's a really great guy so I don't see why you'd ignore him."

"It's not that I want to, I just think it's best. I don't tend to make a good friend, much less girlfriend. I have a lot going on mentally all the time and I don't want him to get tired of me and my shitty brain."

"We all have shitty brains, most people just hide it. You and I however, can't so we go to therapy and try to cope with pills. It's just being human and trust me if Harry can be my friend he can definitely be with you. Besides it's not like he has to fix you, he can't, but he can be there with you. He's good at being there and helping even when he doesn't realize it. He's very observant and knows when i'm in my cycles. He's learned me enough to know what I need and that's all you need from a partner, someone who tries to understand and can sympathize and just be with you."

"Okay, I'll think about it," and I will.

I don't know when I'll be ready to talk about this with him but I will think about it.

David and I continued through our late lunch and then parted ways. I didn't mind it. His unfiltered words didn't bother me like they normally would from someone I don't really know but I liked him.

He seemed genuine.

Walking into my apartment I sighed and turned on a lamp before sitting down. Everything was so quiet and part of me wanted to knock on Harry's door but I had such a long day. Normally I just wanted to crawl in bed after days like today and sleep. But there was a nagging feeling that for the first time in a while I didn't want to be alone right now and I felt like everything was slowly changing because of the boy next door.

Despite the deep longing to knock on his door and ask him to come over for tea I stayed on my couch and drank tea alone. Even when I heard him come home I didn't make a move to go see him. Maybe tomorrow but right now I was too wrapped up in this feeling of despair and loneliness that I didn't want to be in.

It had been a while since I wasn't content with being alone anymore. I think I was starting to realize that I can be alone and be okay but that doesn't mean I have to anymore. There's a boy a few feet away who wants me and I want him but my brain can't seem to be okay with that so for now I would sit quietly and drink my tea.