Peace [HS AU]

22. Harry

I don't know what happened. When we had lunch I knew she was having a bad day. She was reserved more than usual so when I went back to work I asked my boss if I could leave early. I just got a bad feeling about today. She didn't make eye contact and she didn't speak.

She usually smiles even if it's fake or gives me a kiss or small words. Today she was radio silent.

Thank god I came back early. When I walked up to her apartment I heard her crying and muttering words. I didn't even knock. My heart sunk when I walked to where I heard her crying and she was sitting on her bathroom floor.

When I saw the knife my heart stopped. I didn't know if she was just going to cut herself or actually try to kill herself. I never moved so fast to kneel beside her and grab the knife. She didn't even notice me at first.

I saw almost a fully drunken bottle of vodka and then she finished it before I brought her to bed.

She didn't want me anymore because she thought she would hurt me.

"I'm no good for you, Harry. There's too much that I've done. I hurt the people I care about and it would kill me if I hurt you too, you should leave now before you care anymore about me. Leave now and save yourself from all the hurt I know I'll cause," I mumbled as I felt his hand attach to mine. "I hurt the people I care about," I repeated not remembering I already said that. "I care too much about you."

I didn't know what she meant. Was this just her mind making her think she didn't deserve someone to care about her?

I know she has a past and there's a reason she moved countries. She never told me though, it was obviously a hard topic and I never pressured her to tell me.

I know she asked me to leave but I couldn't. I put her to bed and watched her sleep for a while. I checked every now and then to make sure she was breathing. She drank so much in so much little time I was worried about how her body would react.

I just sat on the couch and left her bedroom door open so I could hear her if she woke up. I know she'll probably be upset that I'm still here when she wakes up but I can't just leave.

She was so distraught.

This whole situation was bringing up painful memories for myself and my past. Something I had never told anyone before.

I care so much about Camryn. Seeing how she was today made me wonder how her past depressive episodes have been.

I had so many questions and I know it's not my place to ask but what do I do? This is such a personal situation so I can't just call David or Gemma for advice. I didn't want to overstep but what do I do?

We obviously need to have some sort of conversation when she wakes up.

Fuck, I'm so worried.

I held my head in my hands as I cried silently. The girl who somehow seemed to capture my attention and become my girlfriend in the span of a month was hurting so deeply and I just wanted to be here for her but I don't know what she wants. Now, after almost three months she had taken over a bigger section of my heart.