Peace [HS AU]

32. Camryn

Slightly longer chapter, around 4500 words. I think you'll like it :)
this chapter and 33 are my favorites i've written so far :)

also, get the song Make You Mine by PUBLIC ready.  i tried my absolute hardest to time the song with the chapter— it tells you when yo play it.

That feeling you get when absolutely everything is right, when universe is on your side. It's the barista getting your coffee exactly right. It's the way the sun shines on cool day. It's the good and the bad. It's the perfect TV show. It's a cold rainy day but you get to cuddle on the couch with a blanket and the fireplace blazing. It's everything you never knew you always needed. It's the perfect manuscript. That's what loving Harry feels like.

It's intense. It's such a deep love that it hurts but it's a good pain. It's the butterflies you get on a rollercoaster. It's everything I dreamed love would feel like.

I know that I'm unlovable.

You are.

And I think I'm okay with that. If it means I get to love Harry and never receive that love because I know he couldn't possibly feel that way, then it's so worth it. Loving Harry is fulfilling for me.

I don't doubt he deeply cares for me, I know he does. But that's not the same as love and that's okay.

He could never actually love someone like you.

I was right, we spent the rest of Cardiff in the hotel room. I still hadn't had any conversation about sex with him but we were enjoying the exploration of each other's bodies.

Every time I had an orgasm I wanted to tell him I loved him because the experience was so intense. It was never just sex. Come to think of it, no pun intended, a good orgasm is what loving Harry feels like.

The bed sheet gripping, back arching, loud moaning, deep breathing, euphoric and slightly painful--but a good painful. The kind of pain that only comes with an intense amount of pleasure it's addicting. That is what loving Harry feels like. It's raw and honest and intense and it hurts because I just love him so much. But the pain is worth it.

I knew I would tell him soon. I wanted to tell him. At this point it felt like a weight on my shoulders and I was beginning to share those things with him so I wanted to share this.

I wanted to make it special for him. Harry deserved to be pampered and told he is loved in a special way. Especially after how much he has put up with me.

I wanted it to be perfect.

I had never loved anyone before so I really didn't know how to go about anything.

I called David. Harry was at work and lunch had already passed so I knew he'd be home in a few hours.

"So, what do you want to do?"