Peace [HS AU]

47. Harry

I won't lie, being told I can't have my own children was hard. Mainly because the idea of a mixture of Cam and I running around sounded perfect to me.

But, I have always loved the thought of adopting. So many kids are stuck in awful housing with abusive people, similar to how Cam was raised. I know that Cam and I can provide a loving home for someone.

I knew she was still really defeated about not having kids so I didn't want to talk about adoption too much because I didn't want to insensitive and it wouldn't happen for a few years.

Once she was able to accept that she couldn't get pregnant and wanted to start looking into other options then I'd be ready.

I was really gutted when I found out and a part of me will always grieve not having a biological child, just like a part of Cam will always grieve that as well. I let myself feel the pain for weeks with her and I'm genuinely okay now.

Mainly because the idea of providing a loving and safe home for a child who doesn't have one and providing that home with Camryn by my side... It's become what I want in my future and I can only hope she feels the same.

The love and feeling of care I had for my unborn child turned into love and care for a child who may not be biologically mine but could be mine one day. The hole that I felt was filled with new possibilities of caring for a child who needed to be loved.

Camryn was doing a lot better and going see Moira more. She wouldn't go into detail about their sessions and I had a feeing she just wasn't ready to talk about it yet but she would eventually.

Working with Edan has been the best thing. She is very supportive of me and makes sure I'm not overworking. The one time I was in the office past 5 she literally threw me out and told me not to come in until 10 the next day. Family is important to her and she told me that late days at the office will turn into nights and will turn into fights with your spouse and she had to work through that with her husband. She absolutely loves Cam and I and she "will be damned if you become a workaholic and ruin the best thing in life."

Her words— not mine, which I agree with.

She didn't know the details but she knew Cam and I were going through something.

While I love my job and find it very fulfilling, Cam is the most important person in my life and I don't want to jeopardize our relationship in any way.

Gemma invited Cam and I over for dinner because she had 'big news' to share. Michael obviously must have proposed and she wants to tell us in person. Which is great, I'm really happy for her and Michael. I couldn't imagine Gemma with anyone else.

"Babe?" Camryn called from the bedroom once I closed the front door.

"It's me," I called out before meeting her in the room.

She was wearing black jeans and a denim button up shirt with brown ankle boots and her hair was tied in a low messy bun.

"You look beautiful," I said making her blush.

"Thank you, are you going to change first?"
I nodded and decided to wear black jeans with a black shirt.

When my shirt was off she came up behind me and kissed between my shoulder blades. I turned around and looked at her with a smile. Her hands were placed on my chest as she rubbed my skin slowly and softly before pressing a kiss on my lips.

"I missed you today," she said resting her head on my chest.

"Rough day?"

"Yeah, I wore the jumper you gave me for Christmas. I've worn it so much since.... everything... and it doesn't smell like you anymore."

"I'll wear it to bed from now on then. Wanna tell me whats are your mind?" I asked moving so sit on the plush chair in our room and guiding her to sit on my lap.

"It was just a hard session with Moira, I'm just trying to be okay with everything I guess. I see you are okay now and I want to be okay too, it's just taking a little while," she said sadly.

"It's okay to not be okay, you don't have to just because I am. I still get sad too but I imagine us with kids in our future, it's just going to be different. I don't expect you to be okay."

"I know, I love you, Harry. So much."

"I love you, Camryn."

We stayed sat down for a while before I needed to finish getting ready and we headed to Gemma's.

My mum was there, David and Daniel, and now Cam and I. I didn't notice a ring on her finger so I was becoming more confused on what this news could be.

Maybe they bought a house, I mean it makes sense.

Gemma made us all sit on the couch and She stood in front of us with Michael by her side.

"So, we have some news...." She paused with the biggest smile and I was so confused as to what she could be getting ready to tell us. "I'm.... pregnant!"

My heart dropped. Not because I was jealous but because the beautiful girl sitting beside me was unable to have kids she so badly wanted and now her best friend is pregnant. I was sad for Camryn because I knew this was hurting her.

"Oh my!" my mum said standing to hug Gemma.

"Oh, Camryn don't cry!" My sister said pulling her into a hug.

"I'm just so happy for you!" She was borderline sobbing and I knew we'd need to leave soon. "You're going to be an amazing mom, Gem!"

While I could tell her words were sincere I could also hear all of hurt laced within them.

While everyone else talked to Gemma and Michael, I pulled Camryn aside and held her tightly. She finally looked up at me and I just smiled sadly.

My heart was breaking for Camryn and I didn't know what she was feeling right now.

I made up an excuse on how I had a massive headache from work after we stayed another 30
minutes so Cam and I could leave.

The whole car ride home she cried in the passenger seat and there were no words I could say to help her and that frustrated me. I just wanted to say something to make her okay.

I started the shower for us as soon as we got home and helped her take off her clothes. She was almost catatonic she was so silent.

I washed her hair and cleaned her as she silently cried and then I washed my hair and clean myself. Once I was done I just held her in my arms under the hot water and she completely broke down.

"I'm so angry, Harry. And jealous. And beyond happy for her. I'll never be able to give us what happened tonight. We won't know that excitement and it's all my fault. Harry, I ruined everything."

For once I didn't have any words to say. I just held her and kissed her face and told her I love her. The whole night I just held her and watched her eyes get darker as they closed and I didn't know what to do.

"I hate to see your heart break," I whispered as she fell asleep.