Strong (Louis Tomlinson's Cancer story)

Chapter 43: Learning to let go

"Last chance Lou. It's not to late to get started on that chemo." Liam said while I grabbed my bag. "Liam we talked about this." I said giving him the look. He sighed "FIne lets go. Paul is waiting for us downstairs." He said storming out of the room. Niall was carrying Kenz on his hip as him and the rest of the guys all followed Liam out the door. I grabbed Ally's free hand and gave her a kiss. "You made the right choice Lou. They just have to warm up to the idea." She said. "I hope it happens soon I can not take this much longer." I said as we followed far behind them. 

We got to the van where I met with Paul and he helped me put all of our stuff in the back. He didn't take the news of me dying very well either but he wasn't mad. He was the closest with me than with anybody else. He was practically my dad.

"You don't hate me right?" I asked after closing the trunk of the car. "Nobody hates you Lou. Especially not me. I actually am very proud that you stuck with what you felt was right. The guys don't hate you either. They just need to cope." He said. I smiled and gave him a hug. "I don't know what I'd do without you Paul." I said. He patted my shoulder and smiled at me. "I love you like my own son Lou. I will always be here for you till the end." He said going to the drivers seat. The end. I would never think of those two words the same again. I went to my seat next to Ally in the car and Paul started driving to the airport. There was little mumblings of conversations but not anything that contained me. I just sat there looking out the window and holding Ally's hand has I left the hospital for the last time for a while. 

***

California is one hot state. Summer may be coming to an end but it feels like it is the middle of July. We got to the hotel and Paul, Ally and I took Kenz to the pool since she had been stuck in the hospital with us for three days. The guys stayed in their rooms to sulk. They claimed it was "Jet lag" but I knew it wasn't true.

"Lets go to the little pool It was made for me!" Kenz said pointing to the little circle pool. "Kenz thats a hot tub." I laughed. "Why would people take baths out here?" She asked. I just laughed again. "How about we start at the slides. It's a little to hot for a hot tub." I said taking off my shirt and then sliding off her cover up. "Okay! Lets just get in the water already!" She said pulling my arm. "Okay hold on you need sunscreen." I said. I pulled out the bottle and rubbed the white stuff all over her body. I rubbed it until it was absorbed in her skin and she started pulling my arm again. "Daddy hurry my feet burn from the floor!" she said jumping from foot to foot. 

"We'll be back in a while Ally." I managed to say to her before Kenz pulled me away. Ally could swim but not for that long before she needed her oxygen again so she was just going to sit with Paul and tan. 

"Okay Kenz which color?" I asked as we made our way up the stairs. "the yellow one!" She said pointing to the slide that was the highest but had many twist and turns. We walked all the way to the top and I put her on my lap. After I made sure she couldn't slip off of me from the sunscreen I pushed us and we starting swiftly moving through the slide. 

It probably took us a good 20 seconds to make it to the end but we finally saw the light and the end of the tunnel and then splashed in the water. I heard Kenz giggling loudly has she doggy paddled to a mushroom waterfall. It was like a giant umbrella that had water coming down from the rim. We went under it and sat on the stump in the middle of it. It was peaceful. Only seeing water falling all around us being blocked out from the world. 

"Daddy I love you." Kenz said looking up at me. "I love you too love. Quite random though no?" I asked. "I just wanted to tell you as much as I can before....before I can't anymore." She said. I smiled and wrapped my arm around her. She was the strongest little girl I know. 

***

"Are ya ready to go inside? I don't know about you but I'm starved." I said after a full on splashing war. "Your just saying that because you lost!" She laughed sticking her tongue out at me. "I know!" I said picking her up and over my shoulder. She was laughing really hard. I went over to Ally and Paul to see they were both 5 times darker. Have we really been out here that long.

"Are you guys ready?" Paul asked taking of his sunglasses. I looked at Kenz and we both laughed our heads off. He had raccoon eyes from the glasses. "What?" He asked. "Nothing" Kenz chuckled. "Paul it's called sunscreen. I learned that the hard way after I got this thing." Ally chuckled grabbing her oxygen. "Great." He said putting the glasses back on. "Lets go to the hotel restaurant I need food asap." I said putting on my shirt and putting Kenz's dress on her. "Should I call the guys?" Paul asked. "Yeah I guess but if they are still crying over me not doing chemo I am leaving." I said. He nodded and dialed his phone. 

We went to the little grill the hotel had and chose a table big enough that was on the outside patio. I already ordered Mackenzie and I lemonades ad burgers and Ally got herself a tea and a wrap. Paul came back with the rest of the guys who still looked sad but didn't say anything. They ordered their drinks and food also and the waiter left again. 

"So how was the pool Lou." Niall said being the first one to talk to me for something other than cancer all day. "It was really good. Nobody was there at all so it was only us." I said. "You actually look tanner. The sun did you good." He laughed. The whole table started laughing except for Liam. Of course. I just let this one slide though. 

"So Louis I was thinking I think you need to create a bucket list. I know we have done so many amazing things already but I know there has to be something that you haven't done yet because we have had no time. We will make time for anything. And I mean absolutely anything." Harry said. I thought for a second. "I know it sounds cliche but I have always wanted to go sky diving. Oh and maybe we can all go to Disney World if we have time. Most of all I want to raise awareness to help find cures for cancer. Maybe we can have all the fans at every concert give a donation if they want." I said. They all nodded and smiled. "Thats a really good Idea I will have Nick get on that one for the next concert." Zayn said. "If there is one thing I want to do before I die it is to help find a cure." I said. I saw liam roll his eyes from the corner of my eye. 

"Do you have a problem Liam! Might as well just let it out now!" I said banging my hand on the table. "Yes I have a freaking problem Louis. You have always been the person to say you would fight this thing till the very end and now you are just giving up! You should of stayed back and done chemo not be here and let your body rot away!" He said. "Well you know what Liam! Get fucking over it! Everybody else has accepted it even my 6 year old daughter! This is the End! I am going to die and that chemo would of done nothing and everybody here knows it except you! I weigh 105 pounds and you think I would of been able to take Getting chemo 24/7 for an entire month!!! I would of been dead before I even got a chance to try the clinical trial! Why can't you just except the fact that I lost this battle! Cancer won Liam just get over it and let me enjoy the life I have left!" I yelled creating some pretty confused sad stares from the class of 58' High school reunion next to us. Liam just stood up and walked away. I could tell he was crying. I sighed and went over to him. 

"Liam I am sorry. But your just going to have to let me go." I said sitting next to him on the peir  overlooking the ocean.  "Lou you are my brother. I don't want you to die." He said barely above a whisper. "I'm not dead yet Liam. Plus we still have the slightest hope that I can get on a trial. Please don't treat me any different anymore. I miss you Li." I said. He looked at me and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry for being a jerk. I promise from now on I will treat you like you never have had a spot of cancer in your life." He said. "Thank you. Now can we go back and eat I am starving." 

we went back to our seats and the waiter brought our food. We spent the rest of the night laughing and enjoying each others company like old times.