𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒔 • yeonbin & taegyu ✓

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°•𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 • trauma, mental illness, low self-esteem, self-deprecating thoughts•°

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𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉, pain, screams, cries and pleas for help. yeonjun was seeing it all again, he could feel the blade sliding on his skin, just like he felt the warm blood flowing out of the cuts. he felt the pain and how he controlled himself to not show any sign of it, the screams the man beside him let out and how much the male asked for help. the worst, yeonjun could see their faces, their small smiles, his blood on their hands and the doctor. the fucking doctor.

the black haired woke up, covered in sweat. he got up from the couch but felt dizzy immediately, wanting to throw up when remembering the disgusting sight. yeonjun held himself on the wall, using it to not end up falling on the ground, his hands were shaking and he couldn't stop the cold sweat, just like his uneven breathing.

soobin, who was on watch looked behind him, hearing some noises. he knew yeonjun was sleeping on the couch, which he didn't mind considering the dark circles under the older's eyes that seemed to be worse than normal. the tallest widened his eyes, staring at the state the black haired was in, he had never seen the male like that.

"yeonjun are you okay?" soobin got up from the chair he was on, giving a single step in the other's direction. he could hear the older whispering curses while scratching his scars and squeezing his eyes shut.

"i'm fine." yeonjun said rushed, bending down in a corner while pulling his hair with a hand and resting his forehead on the wall. soobin heard his fast and shaky breath, getting even more worried.

"jun, are you sure?" he stepped a little closer, furrowing his brows. it was the first time since yeonjun left that soobin called him by his nickname.

the black haired didn't answer, hitting his head lightly on the wall. he couldn't stop seeing the images and hearing the sounds, yeonjun wanted it all to stop, he wanted to go back to having a clearer mind. the older covered his ears, listening to the doctor's voice, he hated it, so much he wanted to stab his own eardrums so he couldn't hear anything anymore, even if in the end it was all psychological.

soobin approached more, slowly. he didn't want to surprise yeonjun and get hurt because of it, but he couldn't just stare at the other's state and ignore it like he was doing to all the rest. the black haired wanted to kill infected, it was his way of getting the images out of his head, but it was night and he couldn't go out, so his only option was disrespecting what soobin asked.

"bunny." yeonjun got up, still holding on the wall, he turned around and stared at the taller. the black haired then walked fast to him, standing in front of soobin. "i know you hate me right now." he got closer, resting his forehead on the younger's. "but let me stay like this for a moment."

soobin didn't say anything, surprised. he was about to refuse when he saw yeonjun closing his eyes and his shoulders relaxing a bit.

"okay." he nodded softly, feeling his nose brush slightly with yeonjun's when doing it. the younger felt one of the black haired's hands going to his nape, caressing his hair gently, while the other went to soobin's waist and under his shirt. there it was, the feeling of mattering and being complete, the warmth on his chest and the gentle touch. he loved it, he missed it, he craved for it.

they stayed like that for severe minutes, none speaking a word. yeonjun's breath slowly went back to normal, just like his mind. the older heard soobin's soft breath, feeling his soft skin and hair with his hands, he opened his eyes. the male could see the younger with eyes closed, he looked so pretty and yeonjun wanted to kiss him so bad. he brushed his nose on soobin's one, feeling the taller's breath hitch, the older almost did it, he almost closed the gap between their lips and kissed the other, like he wanted for so long, if it wasn't for soobin himself stepping back.

"i'm glad i could help." the taller smiled, his mouth in a line, not showing any teeth. he liked yeonjun, he liked yeonjun too much for his own good. he wanted to be with the male, to feel good like only the older made him feel, but he couldn't, he had to be strong and make the others proud of him. "i'll call kai so he can be on watch next."

soobin left the living room, sighing while feeling his eyes watering, but not letting any tear fall. he was in the verge of breaking, he couldn't do it all alone without taehyun to help, he wasn't being able to hold himself together, but he still tried, he still kept up with it. the male started walking, knocking on kai's door after, which was opened.

"hi hyuka, how are you feeling?" the taller smiled, grabbing one of the blonde's hands.

"i'm okay, staying with gyu helps." kai gave soobin a small smile. "do you need anything? is it my turn to be on watch?"

"yes, do you think gyu will be okay alone?" the older furrowed his brows, thinking back on what the long haired said to him. "is he better?"

"he'll be okay, binnie." the blonde left the room and closed the door behind him, hugging soobin after. "today he ate a little, so that's progress."

soobin wanted to ask kai if he thought it was okay for him to see his brother, but he knew he wasn't welcome, so he kept quiet. instead, he gave the blonde another smile, one that didn't reach his eyes but that he doubted someone could see through.

"i'm glad." he ruffled kai's hair, still smiling softly. "tell me if you two need something, okay? i will get you."

"don't worry, binnie. you already do enough." he didn't, so his smile trembled a bit, too little to notice though.

"still, please tell me." kai only nodded and left to be on watch, leaving the older alone. soobin stared at the door, knowing his brother was on the other side, and took a deep breath. he had to be strong, for beomgyu, for kai and for taehyun, who couldn't have died in vain.

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°•𝖆/𝖓 • fav character now that tae isnt an option?•°

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