𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒔 • yeonbin & taegyu ✓

°•♡𝟖𝟗♡•°

°•°•♡•°•°
•°♡°•

°•𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 • paranoia, low self-esteem, self-deprecating thoughts, trauma, mental illness•°

°•♡•°
°•°•♡•°•°

𝕾𝖔𝖔𝖇𝖎𝖓 had to wait a long time until yeonjun finally opened the door, but, of course, it wasn't like the taller expected, or wished to be. the black haired had one of his guns in hand while almost not being able to look at the younger's face.

the brown haired smiled warmly, not matching his teary and heavy eyes, it was hard to see the man you love holding a gun in fear you would do something. way harder if you were like soobin, who gave all, showed everything and did his best, even if not being in conditions to.

"it's okay, jun." the younger kept his smile, feeling small droplets slowly running down his cheeks. "i will leave you alone." soobin could break, he could suffer and get burn, but as long as yeonjun felt better, it would be okay.

the black haired averted his eyes, squeezing the gun in his hand and closing his eyes. yeonjun hated it, but he didn't have an option, he couldn't get the paranoia out of his mind, nor could he be enough. the older hated himself, he did even more when soobin shakily turned around to leave. was that all he deserved? was pain the only thing yeonjun could have? probably.

so did it make a difference if he felt it all again? if he was cut all over by someone that was the most important thing in his life? if he was ripped open and forced to watch while they ate a piece of him? if he was haunted by nightmares and screams? it didn't.

and even if it did, maybe, just maybe, soobin was worth it. because at least yeonjun would die and hurt feeling the closest thing from happiness he could ever had.

the older took a deep breath, his mind begging him to not do it, screaming that he had to save himself, but for what? he didn't have anything left, he would always be in pain either way, so he could give up, right? yeonjun could give up on trying to make his mind quiet and take soobin's pain to himself instead, he was used to hurting so it didn't matter. the taller didn't deserved it though, not even the slightest suffering.

if yeonjun was bound to be the prague eating soobin alive, he could at least eat the pain too.

the black haired smiled, it could barely be seem but it was there. it was okay giving up on himself if he did it for soobin. yeonjun put the gun back on it's holster, his heart beating fast in fear, the paranoia burning in his veins, but he stepped foward, gently holding soobin by his wrist.

"no." the older almost felt his scars itching, but it never really happened, he had already accepted it. he would take the paranoia, he would take the nightmares, he would take the screams and the nights awake, but he couldn't take losing soobin. "don't you remember that you promised to never leave me, bunny?"

soobin stopped on his tracks, feeling the gentle touch on his arm, and turned around. yeonjun was smiling, one of his small smiles that were surprisingly warm, the one that always managed to make the taller's heart beat uncontrollably, the one that always made him fall deeper. yeonjun touched his cheek, so softly he almost couldn't feel it, and then pulled the younger closer, hugging him.

"i won't leave, bunny." the black haired heard the other sob, tears wetting his shirt while the taller trembled. "not when we just completed our deal."

"w-what deal?" soobin hugged the male tighter, scared that if he let go, he would be left alone, with no more feeling of care and importance, with no more yeonjun to make his mind lighter and heart warmer.

"you made me promise, bunny, remember?" yeonjun pulled away, looking the younger in the eyes, that were glassy and like crystals staring back at him. "that if i ever thought you had a chance, i would give you my heart."

soobin widened his eyes, shocked. so he had a chance after all, he finally had a chance. sure, yeonjun didn't say he loved him, he probably didn't, but a chance was more than the younger ever expected, it was more than enough, more than he ever dreamed of. was he even deserving of yeonjun's heart though? someone as low as him, as useless as him, deserved so much? such happiness he was feeling after hearing what the male said?

"i-" the taller furrowed his brows, he loved the black haired, he couldn't ruin his life that badly, right? making him waste his heart with someone disposable, weak and stupid.

"stop." soobin looked up, staring at yeonjun's intense eyes. "i wouldn't waste my time if i didn't know you deserved it." yeonjun tsked, he knew the younger all too well, he knew what he was thinking and knew it wasn't the truth. after all, he was the one who didn't deserve soobin, but unlike the male, he wasn't selfless enough to give up on him. no, the black haired was selfish, he still wanted soobin, even if knowing he was the male's ruin.

"don't give up on me, bunny. you're everything i didn't think i could have. the favorite flower i never managed to find until you." yeonjun put a hand on each cheek of the other, soobin was so beautiful that the older almost considered if he was dreaming, but a person who only had nightmares wasn't able of such thing. "let me hold you, so you won't even be able to fall again. i don't want to catch you anymore, i want to be the reason you won't fall or break again."

it was bittersweet, how yeonjun cared that much about the other, how he said all that words and meant every single one of them, but knew it was a lie, impossible. the black haired knew that didn't matter how much he prevented soobin from breaking, in the end, he himself would be the taller's fall. then again, he couldn't let the small little dot of life and happiness that soobin gave him, go. yeonjun hated himself for it.

"junnie, i-" soobin choked on his tears, he was never cared so much for, was never put in first place and was never in a position where he was the one receiving instead of giving. "i-i love you."

yeonjun pulled the male closer, connecting their lips together, it felt so good he almost forgot about his paranoia, almost. it was always almost, it would always be 'almost' and he was satisfied with it, because 'almost' was the best he could ever get and 'almost' already felt like heaven.

soobin wrapped his arms around the older's shoulder, tasting his own salty tears along with the other's lips. he would never be able to put into words how yeonjun made him feel and it was okay, he didn't need a word, he just needed the black haired.

°•°•♡•°•°