Tasting Insanity

Chapter 15

A/N

This chapter may be disturbing for some readers as it contains content regarding abuse and violence which may be overwhelming for some. If you have a problem with abuse, blood and so on, skip this chapter. Thank you.

Amaryllis~

The second i reached home, i didn't waste any time to get to work and wrote my reports on Carter. I was done two hours after i started. I had to write a Speech- my boss told me it was necessary to know what i was speaking of in front of the judge. I just didn't have to stutter.

I sighed, gathering all the papers on the bed before placing them on the drawer, closed my laptop and lied on the bed. I waited for the the sleep to come but it never did. It rarely did. There was a possibility of Carter getting bail tomorrow but the chances were slim. I wanted him to be free, probably more than he did. He didn't deserve to be in there, he was just a victim. A victim in his parents' fucked up relationship.

Today was the last time i saw Carter and the thought made me sad for some reason. Today was our last session and i didn't, we didn't make the most of it. None of us knew, if i had known, i would have... wanted to get to know him better. He made my days less boring, i longed for our therapy sessions every time i came back home from one and the days we didn't have one. Would he even remember me once he was freed? Would he talk to me? Would he meet me? Would he remember our sessions? Or would i just become another person in his life- forgotten and cast aside once used?

The ringing sound of my phone broke me away from these thoughts, one glance at the called Id and i mentally debated on whether i should answer the call or watch it ring. I decided to answer it against my better judgement, it might be important- my subconscious reminded, getting the best of me yet again. "Yes?"

"Amaryllis, glad to hear your voice." My boss spoke from the other end of the line, "There has been a changement in the plans." I wished, more than anything, that tomorrow wasn't the day i would be meeting with judge and that i would be getting one more day with Carter. I wasn't ready for him to forget about me just yet. "The meeting has been postponed to the day after. Tomorrow, you'll have a last session with Mr Hale." I held my excitement inside as i ended the phone call with a neutral, bored and disappointed tone. One more day, i was given.

-
My excitement disappeared into thin air the second i went downstairs in the kitchen to find something to eat. I was greeted with my father, a bottle in his hand as he watched TV. I knew if he saw me, he wouldn't leave me be. I tiptoed to the kitchen, barely made it through when he spoke. "I haven't seen you for a while."

I stopped right in my tracks, not turning around as i started fidgeting with my fingers, calming myself. "Look at me when im talking to you." I could feel his breath as he spoke from behind me, reeking of alcohol like the filthy person he had always been. "Turn. The. Fuck. Around."

Go to your room, take the gun and kill him. My subconscious screamed at me but i shut it out, i hadn't been not a murderer and i wasn't going to become one.

A hard grip on my arm turned me around by force, making me face him. His eyes were bloodshot red, he smelled of a mix cigarettes and alcohol. He probably did drugs, too. "You are so beautiful. Just like your mother was." I didn't say anything to that, i kept quiet. It was the sane thing to do in this situation. "I wonder... i wonder if you feel like her too."

My eyes widened at his statement but i didn't react. I kept still as his fingers traced my jawline, played with a strand of my hair that i hadn't realized got loose. I wanted to scream, hit him, anything to get him to stop touching me, to stop talking about my mother, about this but i was frozen in place. It had always been this way, i couldn't move when he was near. It was my anxiety, the fear he had inflicted in my body, even my senses were wary of him. "Answer me when im speaking to you."

"What do you want me to say?", I asked, biting my tongue as soon as the words left my mouth. He smiled, showing his set of yellowish teeth which had gotten worst over the years thanks to cigarettes. He grabbed my jaw harshly, sniffed me like a dog. "You smell good. Not like your mother, better."

"Please." I refused to let the sob wanting to break out show, "Don't do this." He grinned at my demand before pushing me, my head hitting the counter in the process. I groaned, my hand immediately placing themselves on the spot where it was hit. "Let's go." He said before grabbing my right arm despite my protests as he dragged me to the basement. The dark, cold, smelly, basement.

"How much have you been making at the diner?", He asked, throwing me on the hard ground as he went to remove the wooden plate covering the tank of water. "No, no, no." I shook my head, fear creeping up my insides at the idea of the darkness under the water he would plunged me under. He only smirked at my weak figure as he approached, grabbing me by my hair this time. "You haven't answered my question."

"Like usual." I said, lying but he didn't have to know that unless he already knew. Why else would he have asked this question otherwise?

"You dare lie to me?", He snarled, tightening his grip on my hair as he pulled my closer to the tank. I shook my head in his grasp, "No, im not lying." Darkness clouded my vision as my face was plunged under water. I tried getting my head up but i couldn't. His grip was too tight, too tight. I couldn't breathe, i needed to breathe. As if he heard my pleas, my head was lifted from under water, met by his cold, emotionless eyes staring back at me. I hissed at the headache forming as his grip on my hair tightened every second. "How much money do you have, Amaryllis?" He spat my name with such disgust.

"I...." I struggled to breathe, "Gave you everything... i had." I was met with darkness again, struggling to move, to breathe. After a few seconds, he loosened his grip on me and i used this opportunity to lift my head from under water, breathing as i did. I gasped for breath as i fell on the ground, my legs weakened. He just stood there, taking another gulp of his beer. "You're such a liar. Just like your fucking mother." He threw the bottle on the ground, its pieces falling in every direction. I turned my face away, shielding it from the glass.

I sensed his approaching presence before i felt his touch. He grabbed my wrist, a piece of glass in his hand and he grinned at me before i felt the glass on my skin. He drew a line. I bit my lips to avoid screaming in pain as he continued drawing blood. Once he was done, he stared at my wrist, the blood coming out of it like he'd done art before he left me alone for the day.

-
I sat on the floor in my bathroom, trying to pass the thread through the needle to stitch up the cut my father gave me. It would leave a scar, for sure, i wouldn't be able to hide that one with foundation, i thought.

I took my bottom lip between my teeth, biting on it as i washed away the blood, removing any dirt or debris. I carefully aligned the edges of the cut to ensure a clean and even closure, my eyes almost closing in the process but i held on. It was hurting so bad, i thought i was going to pass out from the blood loss and pain. Then i started, the needle pierced my skin, i muffled a scream and a hiss left my mouth as i continued. The threat and needle danced through my skin, i had to focus, shut the pain out. Focus, deal with the pain later.

My concentration intensified as i approached the end of the stitching. My lips still caught between my teeth, biting on it until i tasted a metallic taste in my mouth. I didn't care, it was the least of my worries. I ensured a clean closure for the stitches and used a scissors to cut the remaining thread. I looked at my wrist, such a bad work i had done but it was the best i could do. I wrapped a bandage around the wound, hissing at the contact of it on my skin.

The only thing that got me through this was the thought of seeing Carter tomorrow. One last session and then we would go our separate ways- one last time, then I wouldn't have anyone to talk to. My life would go back to the one it had always been, boring, not worth living. Whether i had liked it or not, those therapy sessions with Carter were helping me more than him.