Never Ending Thoughts(Collection of Poems and random thoughts)

bedstuck

Lately , I've been having the hardest of times to get up out of bed.
I have nothing to motivate me or drive me.
But at this point , I don't even think it's that.
I think maybe , I've just realized how horrible of a person I am.
How I'm not a great son to my mother or step father.
How I am not a great older brother to my little sister.
How I can't be a good younger brother for my brother.
I have so many thoughts going on around my mind , that I can't seem to find the energy to simply get up out of bed.
Stuck .
Sitting .
Lying down .
Rotting.
I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to do anything about it.
But I am trying now.
I get up to shower , brush my teeth , and eat.
Sometimes I have a conversation with my mother or grandmother.
And sometimes I get up for a few minutes when my sister comes bursting in for a brief conversation.
But I can feel my grip slowly loosening.
I can feel my self getting slower.
My senses weakening.
My bones breaking.
My blood stopping.
I just want out.
But I just can't seem to get one foot in front of the other and do what im suppose to do.
At this grown age , I thought that I was going to have myself put together.
Or at least have something going for myself.
But I have no interest.
I have no goals.
I have nothing.

Shit , I hardly even complain to my mom about anything anymore.

But I don't want it to be this way.
I want.....
I don't know what I want.
But I know it's not this.