smoke | namgi

thirty

seokjin was relieved when he was called that yoongi woke up, they said that he could head straight to the hospital but wouldn't be able to see him until yoongi agreed to.

he was sure minji was going to jump up and down at the thought of it.

-

"did you get to see your appa yesterday?" namjoon asked as they ate lunch, yesterday was the first star day on the calendar, "no, was really sad, been a long time without him" she said, she craved her father's physical touch and presence, "you know i miss my mom too, i understand how you feel" namjoon said, minji raised a brow, "is your mom in the hospital?"

namjoon shook his head, "no, but she lives far away, i don't see her a lot but your situation is scarier" namjoon said, minji hummed, "miss my appa lots"

"i know you do"

-

all yoongi felt when he regained consciousness was a burning pain throughout his body. darkness engulfed him, confusing racking his mind as all he could think was 'what happened? why does this hurt so much?' minutes passed till he finally opened his eyes, and when he finally did, his body was flaming with an unbearable pain, his most recent memories flooding back to him.

"hey yoongi, how are you?" a nurse softly asked, a clipboard with papers on her lap and a pencil in between her fingers, yoongi didn't speak. his throat hurt and be refused to believe he failed. he didn't want to admit it.

the nurse patiently waited for an answer, she realized she wouldn't get one so she decided to speak, "do you want some water?" she asked, yoongi slowly nodded, he was so upset.

"i need you to speak" she said in a more stern tone, yoongi didn't want to but he knew he had to. he wondered if they had called his friends.

yoongi was shaking and he felt like it was hard to breathe, there were too many thoughts running through his head, "as soon as you talk, we can call your loved ones"

-

"you can see min yoongi" the doctor said, allowing seokjin and minji to enter, jungkook had to go to the bathroom, claiming he couldn't hold it in any longer.

there was an awkward silence until minji started jumping, "appa! missed you so much!" minji giggled, yoongi softly smiled, softly hugging her and letting her lay on his side. his little girl, he loved her so much.

"appa okay now?" she asked, yoongi faked a smile and nodded, "appa is perfectly fine" he said, seokjin was across from yoongi. in all honesty, he didn't know what to feel. was he the reason yoongi attempted?

"are you going to go home today?" minji asked with a huge smile, yoongi sighed, "i can't be home for a while but i think you can visit me after school" the boy said, minji frowned, tears threatening to fall.

"b-but wanna be with you! been so many days with jinnie and jungkookie! please appa" the little girl cried and sobbed, yoongi rubbed circles on the small girl's back, he let out a sigh,"i understand minji, but appa is stuck here and there's not a lot to do. i'll be out of the hospital when i can, i'm okay" he reassured the girl, soon enough, jungkook entered the room.

"hello" jungkook waved, he didn't know what to think as he saw his hyung on the hospital bed, "jungkook, can you stay outside with minji for a bit? i just.. want to talk with yoongi"

jungkook sighed, he had held the small girl's hand and guided her outside. he honestly didn't even know what to say to yoongi so it would give him time to think.

"i offered you psychological help, this was the last thing i wanted" seokjin quietly said, loud enough for the small boy to hear him. tears brimmed in seokjin's eyes, he felt horrible.

"i know" yoongi whispered, tears slowly streamed down his pale cheeks, "you decided to rely on cigarettes, on cancer sticks!" the boy slightly raised his voice, "i-it got addicting" he mumbled, he wanted to sleep, sleep all his days away.

"why would you do this?"

yoongi began sobbing as hard as he could with so much physical pain, seokjin couldn't be serious, could he?

"b-because i-i hate my life! is it not clear enough?" he sobbed, seokjin ran his hands through his hair, "was i your last straw?" he quietly asked, he quickly wiped the tears that left his eyes.

"seokjin.." yoongi breathed out, he was shaking badly, "y-you weren't but the comment y-you made about me smoking, i-it made me feel really s-sad and disappointed in my self, i-it got addicting, o-okay? i didn't know this would happen" he said, his voice was quiet. he ran his shaky hands through his dark hair.

"you could've just said yes" seokjin said, yoongi sighed, "seokjin, i can't this today. i-i can't handle all your big questions right after my attempt. you are not in my body to know what i'm feeling and my thoughts" the boy said, seokjin nodded, "i-i'll see you tomorrow" seokjin said, he was going to cry if he saw him any longer.

-

jungkook then entered the room, all by himself even though minji wanted to see yoongi more. she would get alone time with him after jungkook.

"hey hyung, just wanted to tell you that i'm here for you" jungkook softly said, yoongi showed a small smile and nodded, "thank you"

it was quiet for a bit until yoongi decided to speak,"how's minji? is she doing alright?" he asked, jungkook smiled, "yeah, she's alright. she's been really sad, sometimes she gets too sad and won't eat until we bribe her with going to the park or something" he said, yoongi wanted to cry, he hated seeing his own daughter sad.

"can you guys bring minji everyday so i can see her?" yoongi asked, the younger boy nodded, "of course, don't lie to the doctors while you're here, we want you to feel better" jungkook said, he was glad yoongi was awake.

"okay, thank you"

as soon as jungkook left, he cried and sobbed. an unknown emotion to let out.

-

i don't know how to end this. qotd: what do you wanna see next? also, if it were real life, cps would take minji away but i don't know how that works and etc. stay healthy and safe! sorry for any mistakes! and this is very short. ilysm <3 qotd 2: who had a better reaction to seeing yoongi after his attempt?