Home is not a house

Chapter 18

Tw for this chapter: Past Suicide, past death, self harm

"I'm sorry, I hope you know that" Tommy said softly, pushing around the contents of his plate. He was currently eating lunch with Ranboo and Tubbo. They had come over for lunch and this was the first real conversation he was having with them since, well the other night.

"We know. I'm not mad at you." Ranboo said to Tommy and he nodded, looking over at Tubbo. Tubbo hadn't been himself this whole meal and Tommy knew it. He was quiet, he was shaking and he kept biting his lip while shifting his neck.

"Tubbo, you okay?" Tommy asked for what feels like the millionth time. Tubbo shrugs again for what feels like the millionth time.

"He hasn't really talked a lot since, Friday night well basically Saturday morning ish?" Ranboo explains, Tommy knew what he was trying to say. Tubbo hadn't been talking since after Tommy's attempt, other than talking a bit to Wilbur at breakfast the other night. It had been 5 days since that, and it was almost a month since Tommy was staying at the Watson's house.

"Oh." Tommy mumbled quietly. Ranboo nodded and looked down at his plate of mac and cheese and apple slices. Tommy bit his lip but didn't touch his plate anymore. While he had been eating, been gaining a bit of weight, Tommy could still see his ribs when he looked in the mirror. Phil had been providing three meals a day but Tommy could never eat that.

They sat in silence, and Tommy felt like he was about to cry. He hurt Tubbo, he made Tubbo go quiet. If he had just run faster, if he had let go sooner, than Tubbo wouldn't have known what happened to Tommy. Maybe that would have been better.

"I don't want to loose you." Ranboo looked up, Tubbo was the one speaking. Tommy also looked up to meet Tubbo's eyes. "I've known you for three weeks? And I don't want to loose you. The other night scared the shit out of me, like really badly." Tubbo said softly.

"I'm sorry." Tommy said but Tubbo held up his finger to say he wasn't done.

"It scared me because I thought it was Liam all over again. And I know how you knew him too and I know that he was with you in a foster house before but I was there when he died. And I was there when he fucking killed him, and I was there when Ranboo tried to kill himself, and I was there when you tried to kill yourself and I can't do that again. I can't promise that if you try again that I'll save you." Tubbo ranted, still looking Tommy dead in the eyes. That quickly ended when Tommy glanced down again.

When Ranboo was mentioned he shift his shoulders back, and a small blush rushed over his cheeks. Ranboo definitely thought about that attempt way too often. If he hadn't texted Tubbo he would have been dead, but he hated that he did that to Tubbo.

"And I want to, I want to be able to save you I just can't keep doing it." Tubbo sighs, putting his fork down on the table. "But I'm not getting rid of you. I'll tell you what I told Ranboo a long time ago, you are stuck with me for as long as possible because I have attachment issues and don't feel like finding more best friends for life." Tommy looked up, smiling a bit.

"I'm your best friend?" Tommy wondered, and Tubbo nodded, a smile now playing on his lips too. "I promise I won't make you save me again. I'll kill myself when you're not around." Tommy jokes.

"Or, how about this? Don't kill yourself!" Ranboo interjects making them both laugh.

"Okay, that works too." Tommy laughs and it was Ranboo's turn to smile.

"Well Tommy how are you doing in online school? Did you finish the math unit?" Ranboo questions after the laughter dies down a bit. Tommy nods and stands up with his mostly full plate.

"I finished the whole course. There's not much for me to do when I'm here so I just finished the whole course for the year, I guess." Tommy shrugs, wrapping up his plate and putting it in the fridge, Wilbur would eat it as a midnight snack.