Home is not a house

Chapter 45

Tw for this chapter: Suicide, suicide ideation, vomit, tic attack, hospital, mental ward, razor blade

"What, what phone call? The one where he called you this morning?" Wilbur asks and Tubbo nods. "What happened during that, I don't think I know"

"I'm fucking drunk and I'm lost and I ran away because I'm just so fucking tired of shit and I'm sorry. I fucked up so much and I'm sorry and you deserve better."

Ranboo swallowed as he looked down at the table, Tubbo glancing elsewhere as he still shook his hands quickly.

"Guys? What did he say?" Wilbur asks.

"I just don't want to die but I don't know why I'm staying."

"He was upset. And drunk. We could hear a lot of cars, and he was crying. He was upset but saying he didn't want to die. He said we deserved better and he keeps fucking shit up, and that though he didn't want to die," Ranboo paused his sentence, swallowing though nothing was in his mouth. "He wasn't sure why he was staying."

The silence that fell across the room was as cold as an ice cub straight from the freezer.

How do you respond to that? How do you respond to hearing that your brother, and in Phil's case your son, doesn't know why they were staying alive.

"I fucked up so badly." Wilbur says, putting his head in his hands.

"Wilbur, we talked about this before, he asked for the vodka, he took the rest of the bottle. Yes you had the bottle but he is the one who asked for it and took it." Techno tells him but Wilbur just shakes his head.

"I fucked up. I fucked up so badly." Wilbur sobbed into his hands.

"I yelled at him. I fucking yelled at him about it being his fault his mother died." Tubbo said softly, before he gagged at his own actions. Ranboo was quick to act, grabbing the trash can near him and giving it to Tubbo.

Tubbo began to vomit into the trash can, and Ranboo just sat there rubbing his back softly.

"You didn't mean it, you told me that. You can apologize to Tommy later and it'll be okay." Ranboo says softly but Tubbo shook his head, beginning to sob.

"No because I blamed him for his mother's suicide." Tubbo sobbed, beginning to hit his hands against his head. Ranboo was quick to grab them as Tubbo sobbed harder.

"You also stopped his. Tubbo for the second time you kept him alive. The first you held him in your arms as he begged you to let him die and the second time you told him why he needed to stay. You did what you could and he is alive. It will be okay." Ranboo tells him the others in the room either watching or crying themselves.

~~~

Tommy sat on his bed, chin to his knees. Why was he here?

Schlatt had explained to him that he talked to his family, that they were happy he was alive and safe. He also explained that he would be bunking with Schlatt, because Schlatt wants to help Tommy.

Schlatt had also tried to get Tommy to talk anything so he could tell the Doctors, but Tommy was pretty much mute. Plus he wouldn't know how to help, he didn't know the name of his medications, they were too long and hard to pronounce. He didn't know when he last had a normal doctor visit, and he doesn't know any of his health records.

He felt useless.

He wished he had just kept walking instead of staying on that bridge. No, he wished he stayed home and stayed in bed with Wilbur. He could have slept off the vodka and he would have been fine.